Second Born Son: Are we going to church tomorrow?
Me: Yes, it is Palm Sunday.
SBS: What’s so special about that?
Me: That’s the day that Jesus road into Jerusalem on a donkey and people spread out robes and palm branches.
SBS: Oh, so what’s next week then?
Me: Easter – when Jesus is crucified.
SBS: Crucified? What’s that?
Me: (perplexed – we are regular Easter attendees and he’s heard the Easter story before.) When he was nailed to the cross.
SBS: Ew ya, that’s gross! But I thought that’s why we have Halloween, cuz it’s scary!?
I’m a failure as a mother…..
There’s been a lot of Life going on at Boweryville.
I think it’s just that pattern of events collecting in waves and crashing at your feet; the spray of details, stress, kah kah and adjustments to reality being the result. Moving, career changes, good news, bad news, it seems we have taken 18 years of boredom and more than made up for it six months.
Which was the nucleus of a conversation had over the weekend with my parents. This conversation evolved into a debate over which is better, withholding information from your children, or providing full disclosure. I, myself, am a big fan of the latter. My parents, the former. Fortunately, The Big Guy sides with me.
My folks subscribe to the idea of not telling kids upsetting information. They feel parents should protect their children from negativity and maintain innocence as long as possible. I can completely respect their position, after all, it’s how I was raised. I never was privy to their decisions, their stresses or the impacts on our family. I’m not sure I disagree with all their choices.
But on the other side of the fence, I remember how I felt when I was a young child and they told me that my dog ran away. Years later, it came out that she didn’t run away, she was hit by a car at the end of our driveway and died. I also have memories of being in my bedroom and hearing my parents having conversations about adult topics – family strife, typical marital arguments and information that wasn’t meant for young ears. This has made me very aware of the things The Big Guy and I discuss within the hour or so after the boys go to bed, and where these conversations take place.
Perhaps it’s that natural sense of betrayal that occurs when one believes ones parents, and when you find out years later that the understanding you had wasn’t entirely accurate, it can be a little off-putting.
I also suppose it is also my background in Journalism, where the philosophy of “No Comment” is the last thing that should be uttered. It never benefits the subject and only gives license to armchair quarterbacks who want to pass judgement. Dozens of times I’ve spoken earnestly with my contacts and said “It’s better to say a little bit of ANYTHING than it is to say NOTHING.”
So when it comes the boys, we do believe it’s best to share information with them – without overwhelming them. I cannot protect them from everything that they will have to face, and I feel it’s a disservice to them to think otherwise. This is not the world I grew up in. It’s not the world my parents grew up in. It’s a world where my youngest child understands that there is drug activity at the highschool based on things he has SEEN while sitting on a schoolbus. He wasn’t with me when he witnessed this – so how could I have protected him from this revelation if we hadn’t already had the conversation of what drug use meant.
Both First Born Son and Second Born Son have similar dispositions. Neither of them deal with negative surprises very well. They both have the need to digest information, ask questions and then reflect. Their father and I support them, answer their questions and give them the love they need to get through the tough stuff as best they can.
Believe me, I would rather never have to explain death, loss, disappointment and failure to them. But parenting isn’t just about the lollipops and piano recitals, and I signed up for the good and the bad a long time ago.
It’s time to follow through.
I got a little messed up today. It started with this….
I did a little Happy Dance and decided to christen the deck. This meant I had to run to the shed, dig through assorted bikes, wheelbarrows, hose and shovels for this….
I spent 20 minutes trying to clean it up and prepared to park myself in it and spent the next 20 minutes cooking and freezing, as the cloud formations dictated. No sooner did I sit down than the wind picked up.
Suffice it to say I’m not going to but the winter woolies away just yet.
There are very few weekends where I get to “do my own thing”. While I spend them doing things I enjoy, usually with the boys or as a family, this past weekend was all about “the girls”.
My dear friend is getting married next week in Dominican Republic, so it is only right that we celebrated her last weekend as a “free” woman with some quality estrogen time. For blogging purposes, let’s call her…. Val.
This is Val.
Don’t worry, she’s very happy about getting married. I think the veil is giving her a headache. And it’s borrowed, and every woman knows a borrowed veil can make a girl a little down in the mouth. Don’t worry, she will look happy very soon.
This is Val, getting happy. As you can see, she is a talented person and her favorite color is blue.
This is “Chandy”. She was the hostess and is the Maid of Honor. Please excuse the poor quality of the photo – it’s an action shot as Chandy was teaching her guests the proper technique for her Smurf drink. She has a lovely home and had a great spread of food – which is the goal of every capable hostess.
This is Chandy’s living room. As you can see, there was a conference underway at the same time as the pedicures, which necessitated the presence of the Crackberries…. Fortunately, this took place BEFORE the Smurf drinks came out. Here you also see “Janine” and…uh…”Ellen”.
Val is happy here – it’s before the veil fell out the first of 174 times in the evening. “Jody” thinks it’s a sign of very healthy hair. Jody is Val’s stylist for her destination wedding. Yes, Val has “people”.
This is Chandy taking pictures of “The Sisters”. These two are pee-your-pants-funny and should be hired for every bachelorette party, bat mitzvah or Friday night. This camera is the one that recorded parts of the evening that you will not find here…and has hopefully been confiscated by Val….
This is Val being brave and allowing “Lesley” to fit her with false eyelashes. Val just wanted to be as aluring as Lesley. Since Lesley is the local “Lash Pusher” it only made sense that she put them on Val.
This is everybody. Everybody gathered at Val and her beau’s place before painting the town red. The plan was to hit a couple of bars…we hit one – or did it hit us back?
This is Val going to bed. You can tell she used to be a dancer – she’s so graceful! I don’t know how she got up the stairs. I don’t know how she got undressed. I do know how she got in my truck and it involved assistance. She doesn’t know…
This is Val the next morning. Look at how bright and chipper she looks! She made sure she was up and cooked a full breakfast for her out-of-town guests. Val will be a good wife! I would have told them to be quiet as they left to get their Egg McMuffin.
Congratulations to you both. Will be thinking of you next week!!!!!!