Dear Republican Party/Voters of the United States of America,
As a Canadian and a rational, somewhat intelligent person (I did put on blue socks with black pants today, but otherwise…), I want to kindly, gently, and firmly talk to you about an unhealthy relationship you are in right now…
…with Donald Trump.
Consider this an intervention of sorts. Friends don’t let friends date idiots.
We stood back when he first came on the scene with designs on you. We understood he was going to come at you hard, with the goal being your “#1” especially with such a large field of potential suitors. To a certain degree, one could see the initial attraction; money, celebrity (which, although it’s not OUR thing, we know you get sweaty palms over fame), and charisma – of a fashion.
We gave him a chance to win us over. We saw how he was peacocking and showing you how “in charge” he was. He’d go on and on about how he could show you how things could be GREAT again, even though things seem really good for you right now – especially after you broke it off with Bush 2.0. Even then, we had our doubts about Trump, and hoped you would keep him in the friend zone.
Now, with less than a year until the Nov 8, 2016 presidential election, and Trump having some notable success in key states, we think now is the time for us to have a chat. You obviously are taking him a little more seriously, therefore, we have to take him a little more seriously.
Truthfully, it’s 9 months from the Presidential election. We don’t need you making a BIG mistake right now that will make you feel like you need to “seal the deal” with Trump. Please make sure you are taking all the necessary precautions!!!
We are your BEST friend. We’ve lived beside you our WHOLE LIVES. We want the best for you. We want to get along with your “special” person. Right now, Trump thinks what’s best for you is a wall between us. What the hell did we do to deserve that? I realize this is a small slight compared to the asinine slams he has leveled against (including, but not limited to, as this list grows daily): Mexicans, Women, Muslims, African-Amercians, Megyn Kelly, fellow Republican candidates, John McCain, wait, I’m running out of time on this…..
Really, we question why you are interested in him in the first place, aside from the aforementioned glitz. The guy is, at the very least, a misogynist. I shake my head when I realize that this is a man who has not one but three “Mrs. Trumps” on his roster, not to mention two daughters. We think he knows how good he’ll have it when he’s with you. You have a lot more to offer him, than he does you.
Remember, you are judged by the company you keep, and Trump is on the record as praising Vladimir Putin. Putin, the bully and egomaniac of Eastern Europe, then gave Trump a verbal high five by saying he is a great man. This is not comforting to us!
Maybe you think he’s harmless and you are just stringing him along because his insane rants amuse you. I don’t think this is a game of Chicken that you want to engage in. Time is ticking and the longer you keep this moron around, the more you will
believe get used to his crap! And don’t think we haven’t notice that his favorite word is “stupid”. Coincidence?
Perhaps your infatuation with this clown’s wealth (his corporations have declared bankruptcy, if may you recall) is clouding your judgement. Maybe you don’t see what the rest of us (read here: THE WORLD) sees? Trump is the loudmouth guy at every party, who is obnoxious before he gets drunk and is intolerable once he is inebriated. He’s not smart or even clever, as he blathers on about being so popular that he could shoot someone in plain sight and get away with it!?! He picks fights with unsuspecting guests, tells outrageous stories, then he defies anyone to question him, refuses to be accountable for his actions even when he’s caught red-handed, and he will NEVER apologize because he is NEVER wrong. Just ask him! He is basically pissing off all of your friends. Remember Britain? Remember how it took you so long to get to a good place after that whole Independence thing?! Well, if you hook up with Trump, he’s not exactly welcome in England! What does that tell you?
If you give him a chance with you, what do you think life will be like? Personal jets and badly decorated boudoirs? Oprah, or Dr. Phil, or Dr. Oz, or Dr. Zeus said, “When people show you who they are – believe them.” He’s showing you who he is. It ain’t good. You won’t change Trump. He won’t get better. If anything, he’ll get worse once he’s “The One.”
Please understand USA, we are not judging you. We too have been in our share of unhealthy relationships. Hell, we just got out of one ourselves. (We don’t like talking about Stephen Harper, but for the purpose of helping you avoid such a disastrous mistake, we’ll make an exception.) We know you deserve better. You deserve someone who will let you shine on the world stage. Someone who values you and isn’t looking to further their own life ambitions. Someone you won’t be embarrassed to leave alone at a family gathering. You aren’t a career move, you are the self proclaimed Greatest Country In the Free World, mainly because we don’t want to argue with you over THAT. (Although we all know the truth now, don’t we?)
Call it of now. Save yourself (and us) the heartache.