Love & Marriage

The Bubba Guy

/ Sarah / 1 Comment

The Big Guy has left me.

He says he’ll be back in two days.

Damn training.

What a perfect time to share a Big Guy story! That’ll teach em….

When I met The Big Guy he was 6’2+ and about 175 lbs. Pretty lean. By the time we got married, he was 185 lbs. Still very trim. I won’t tell you how much I weighed when we got married, but suffice it to say, I exploded after the birth of two kids. I never had to diet before, so being in my mid 20s and learning how to control my diet was a big deal. His weight never changed, which was frustrating as I tackled losing baby weight times two.

The Big Guy was very supportive. NOT. It wasn’t that he didn’t want me to lose weight, he just didn’t understand the concept. Because I didn’t feel I should deprive the household, I would still bake and have treats in the house. I just wouldn’t have any. And then I’d have to fend off The Big Guy, who would constantly offer to cut me a piece of cake, pie or square and then feign surprise when I stated that I “couldn’t” eat it.

Such support….

He still doesn’t understand why I don’t partake in dessert following each meal and why there are still two unopened boxes of chocolates on the counter from Christmas.

Uh, mainly because I DON’T want to staring down 200 lbs again!!??

So I was less than sympathetic when he came home with news the other day. He’d just come home from a physical with our new doctor, for which he was LONG overdue.

“Did you know they weigh you every time you go in for an appointment?” he asked.

“Yup,” I replied, thinking that I was pretty sure I’d mentioned this to him already.

“Well the nurse told me I was 192.7 lbs!” he exclaimed. “CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?”

<PAUSE> In fairness, I had noticed The Big Guy was a little Big-ger, but it certainly wasn’t a bad thing. We had argued at Christmas that he was not a Large but an Extra Large, and I was listening when he was telling me that his pants were fitting tighter. His new job has him tied to a desk or his truck most of the time. Then there is the whole age vs. metabolism debate. Did I think it was a problem? Nope. Would I have told him if I thought it was? Jury is still out on that…. <PLAY>

So the weight conversation lasted a while, with The Big Guy fearing this was the top of the slippery slope that sees him ending up as the Human Pear; a tall man with a gut out front and long thin legs. As I choose my words carefully, I offer a couple of suggestions.

“We’ll walk together at least once a week!” I offer.

“Can you believe that? 192.7 LBS!” he replies.

“Maybe you’ll have to start watching what you eat.” I suggest.

“I’ve never been 192.7 lbs in my entire life!” he exclaims.

“You know, we’re talking about seven pounds,” I point out.

“I KNOW! SEVEN POUNDS!” he nearly faints.

I remove myself from the conversation for two reasons. One, because he obviously needs to come to terms with this unmitigated shock he’s just experienced.

And two, because he can’t possible get his head around the fact that what he’s gained is less weight than either of his sons that I gave birth to.

Valentine’s Day in Three Parts….

/ Sarah / 2 Comments

It’s only two days after Valentine’s Day, and the Easter swag is on the shelves, but I’m still reflecting on the events of two days ago….

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I’ve been watching the commercials that start in rotation every January 2nd. The message is the same. If you have someone special in your life, you’d better do something for them on February 14th.

Or risk not having someone on February 15th.

I will admit, when I was young and naive, I bought into this commercialism. I’m not sounding very romantic right now, but if you stand back and set aside the Pink coloured glasses, you will see that there is nothing romantic about being forced to show how you feel about someone. Even the most emotionally emotive man gets a heavy dose of insecurity in the days leading up to Valentine’s Day. The bar is set high. Anything less will result in disappointment and frustration, not to mention reliving the moment for years after – if you are “fortunate” enough to stay with your loved one.

What is romantic about that??

I remember dating The Big Guy and he brought me a Valentine’s Day arrangement. A teddy bear clutching a plastic vase with fresh cut flowers. I was thrilled – such an obvious gesture of love and affection! Totally cute at the time and it impressed several of my friends, because we know it’s all about the brag factor. Wouldn’t thank you for it now. I love the idea of the unexpected. What is romantic is not what happens on one day, but the connection, the listening you do, on all the other days, that makes that one day memorable. And it doesn’t have to be V-day.

*A special note for you guys – you DON’T have to buy a piece of jewelry to get her attention. <Cue the Crickets>

I’m serious here girls! What would you rather have? A piece of jewelry that you basically TOLD him to buy for you, or a night in with your man, your favourite movie in hand because he LISTENED to you when you said you desperately wanted to see it. He also has your favourite snacks!! One is forced, one is genuine. When it comes to relationships, I prefer the latter.

That’s not to say I will turn away a hinged furry box! But let’s put it in context….

I won’t forget my 12th wedding anniversary because I received my sapphire and diamond ring from The Big Guy. Not on our 10th or 15th…. Completely unexpected – and I LOVED IT.

Surprise is romantic. The unexpected, is romantic. Pressure, expectation, entitlement…..

No so much.

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Second Born Son has taken an interest in baking lately. We made kick-ass peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. Not long after, we made cupcakes for a friend’s birthday.

Look at that technique!

In the fashion of all agonizing childhood milestones, Valentine’s Day rolled around for him in his classroom.

At his age, not too many kids are keen on demonstrating affection, so it’s an awkward situation. I’ve told SBS that if wants to take a Valentine to one person, he needs to give one out for each person in his class. Fortunately, he agrees.

But this year, when his peers were marking a day for love and affection, one little shit student was changing the rules.

He handed out his store-bought cupcakes to only a handful of students. SBS was not one of them. To add insult to injury, he walked past SBS’s desk and said, “Jealous??”

To which my son, my little sweetie – who had given this child a Valentine AND a box of Smarties, just like everyone else, came back with this gem.

“No. I can MAKE my own, any time I want them.”

Freakin’ brilliant.

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It has been documented how our sons feel about our anniversary. Maybe because The Big Guy and I don’t gush over these holidays, we don’t expect much from the boys.

It was mentioned at one point that they had “something” for us, but honestly, with the chaos these past couple of days, I didn’t give it a lot of thought. I have a collection of sweet Valentine cards from my little men, and was looking forward to seeing what they put together this year.

But first, I had something else to attend to.

Made with Love - Half the Calories - ahahahahahahahahah

I always believe the motto “A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” So these little dreams were sinful!

It looks like The Big Guy had the same idea!

Poetry! Wow!

But for some reason, he thought I was going to share…THIS?!

Uh...YUM

I was ready to mow through dinner, just to get to dessert, but the boys has other ideas. Watch us get our minds blown!

Awwwww!

It was a Valentine’s Day card with a dinner card inside. They plotted and planned with FBS slipping downtown on his lunch to pick up the cards. Who knew they were so thoughtful!

And that, my friends, is the definition of a loving Valentine’s Day.

True love is the soul’s recognition of its counterpart in another.

~ Wedding Crashers

Chalk Up Another Year

/ Sarah / 1 Comment

The Big Guy and I recently celebrated a wedding anniversary. We don’t tend to trumpet this news – it’s about us, and we usually keep it between us.

But the children are old enough to understand this milestone, apparently. The conversation came up with my Mother as to any possible plans we might have as she was pulling out of our driveway. When she was safely off the property, Second Born Son’s head spun around.

“Why didn’t you TELL me it was your anniversary?!?” he demanded.

“Uh, I dunno, I didn’t think it was anything to worry about,” I replied.

“MOM! We should CELEBRATE this – after all, it’s another year you made it with Dad!!”

*crickets*

I recounted this tale to my Mother, and First Born Son was within earshot.

“Oh MAN, it’s your anniversary? You should have said SOMETHING!” he said with great urgency.

“Again, I didn’t think it was anything that involved you guys!” I pointed out, “And besides, it IS on the calendar!!”

“I don’t look at THAT!” he replied. I resisted the impulse to state his father ignores the calendar too.

The conversation continued and within this context, it came to mind that there was a reason why my kids reacted so strongly. While my Little Sister and I rarely if ever acknowledged our parent’s anniversary (until it came to milestones much later on), for my kids, parents who mark anniversaries are rare. As a matter of fact, just the day before we found out that another couple “bit the dust” – two kids now live a life with two households.

For me, it’s not a biggie. For my kids, it shows them that their parents are becoming part of a minority – and their lives can continue with some level of “Normal”; even though the new “Normal” for their peers is drastically different.

I shared my revelation with The Big Guy and he agrees. Perhaps we need to review our stand on anniversaries and make it something to celebrate as a family!

IN OTHER NEWS

How we actually celebrated our anniversary…..me with a camera, he with a project outside with the pup….. Feel free to laugh at will.

These are The Big Guy’s legs. Note the work boots – safety first people!! Yes, he’s in the Dog House. He’s actually repairing it so Roman can have a warm, dry place to sleep while we are away. Right now he is measuring for some insulation he wants to install.

Here he is trying to get out – Roman has found him and wants to play.

See the size of the knife in his hand? It’s a carving knife, lifted from the kitchen years ago – another beef for another column….. Roman is very keen and wants to help but fails to possess the opposable thumbs required.

The Big Guy goes back in, and Roman thinks he should be able to as well.

Persistence pays off. Roman is ready to launch!

Tee hee – sorry, that’s all I’ve got for this one – hahahaha!

Whew – it’s still “fun” at this point! That was one full dog house.

…and Roman knows as long as The Big Guy is smiling, it’s PLAYTIME!!!

Out comes the knife again! Roman looks worried and wants to get back to the playing.

…and that’s when I’m ordered to remove the pup before he gets drawn and quartered! The Big Guy doesn’t look amused, does he? Probably because I’m snorting AND laughing at the same time…

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

/ Sarah / 1 Comment

There are very few weekends where I get to “do my own thing”. While I spend them doing things I enjoy, usually with the boys or as a family, this past weekend was all about “the girls”.

My dear friend is getting married next week in Dominican Republic, so it is only right that we celebrated her last weekend as a “free” woman with some quality estrogen time. For blogging purposes, let’s call her…. Val.

This is Val.

Don’t worry, she’s very happy about getting married. I think the veil is giving her a headache. And it’s borrowed, and every woman knows a borrowed veil can make a girl a little down in the mouth. Don’t worry, she will look happy very soon.

 This is Val’s cake. Maybe the reason she looks the way she does above, is because she never got a piece fo her cake……

This is Val, getting happy. As you can see, she is a talented person and her favorite color is blue.

This is “Chandy”. She was the hostess and is the Maid of Honor. Please excuse the poor quality of the photo – it’s an action shot as Chandy was teaching her guests the proper technique for her Smurf drink. She has a lovely home and had a great spread of food – which is the goal of every capable hostess.

 

This is Chandy’s living room. As you can see, there was a conference underway at the same time as the pedicures, which necessitated the presence of the Crackberries…. Fortunately, this took place BEFORE the Smurf drinks came out. Here you also see “Janine” and…uh…”Ellen”.

Val is happy here – it’s before the veil fell out the first of 174 times in the evening. “Jody” thinks it’s a sign of very healthy hair. Jody is Val’s stylist for her destination wedding. Yes, Val has “people”.

This is Chandy taking pictures of “The Sisters”. These two are pee-your-pants-funny and should be hired for every bachelorette party, bat mitzvah or Friday night. This camera is the one that recorded parts of the evening that you will not find here…and has hopefully been confiscated by Val….

This is Val being brave and allowing “Lesley” to fit her with false eyelashes. Val just wanted to be as aluring as Lesley. Since Lesley is the local “Lash Pusher” it only made sense that she put them on Val.

This is everybody. Everybody gathered at Val and her beau’s place before painting the town red. The plan was to hit a couple of bars…we hit one – or did it hit us back?

This is Val going to bed. You can tell she used to be a dancer – she’s so graceful! I don’t know how she got up the stairs. I don’t know how she got undressed. I do know how she got in my truck and it involved assistance. She doesn’t know…

This is Val the next morning. Look at how bright and chipper she looks! She made sure she was up and cooked a full breakfast for her out-of-town guests. Val will be a good wife! I would have told them to be quiet as they left to get their Egg McMuffin.

Congratulations to you both. Will be thinking of you next week!!!!!!