motherhood

Fifteen

/ Sarah / Leave a comment

Fifteen years ago today, I got up very early to head to the hospital where I expected I would have a baby and become a mother.

At least, that’s what I thought.

Fifteen years later, I realize that while I may have been considered a mother, but I have become a Mom.

PRETTY BOY POUT

 

I vividly remember the first thought I had after the doctor announced you were a boy.

“Oh shit.”

Followed by,

“I don’t know what to do with a boy.”

As one of two girls, I was confident I had the girl thing figured out. But boys, hmmmmm.

So, Happy Birthday First Born Son.

Thank you for helping me become a Mom. Thank you for showing me what to do with boys. I have an appreciation for heavy equipment, work boots, Bob the Builder, goalie equipment, showing cattle, raising chickens and red wagons. (I still can’t appreciate you getting up at 6 a.m. on an almost daily basis….but we all know who your father is!)

Thank you for being an adorable child, and a young man I’m proud of every day.

Now get your arse upstairs and finish your homework.

The Call of Nature

/ Sarah / 3 Comments

In honour of Father’s Day this weekend, and as a general Public Service Message to Humanity, I offer the following Skill Testing Question:

Which is Correct?

A)

 

Yes, this is a toilet. In my house. My parents are ever so proud of the education and training they paid for that has allowed me the skill to post a photo of the hopper on the internet.

That’s not the point right now. We’ll get on journalistic high ground another time.

For now, the point is – this is considered the Universally Acceptable Position for a Toilet. It’s also known traditionally known as “Ladies’ Choice”. This way the female user will not have any issue using the feature. And by issue, I think the women readers will acknowledge the “Splash Down” is to be avoided at all costs.

~ OR ~

B)

 

 

This is the Universally Accepted Position To Indicate That Only Men Live in this Abode. The lifted seat allow more area surface for the male user. Why does a male user require more surface area than a female user, you may ask?

It’s simple really. Every since young boys were taught about writing their names in the snow, light sabres and Cheerios, they have required more surface area. Something to do with “creativity”. I’d it has more to do with poor eyesight and altitude.

I doubt our forefathers were caught “doing battle” in outhouses, however I’ve been wrong more than once this week…. But you have to admit, it is hard to imagine Great Grandma Ethel losing her load over the mess left out in the two-holer.

“CECIL! CEDRIC! How many times do I have to tell you that if you are going to make at the same time, you need to use the Hudson Bay catalogue to clean up after yourselves!!!!????”

It also has to do with the less fair of the species having the luxury of being able to use the World as their private urinal. Think of it like you would a cat. When you have a house cat, it uses the litter box and understands the niceties of indoor living. Once that cat goes outside, it reverts back to its most primal instinct and will be spraying all over the patio doors.

Just like men.

Once they get a chance to void in Wild Open Spaces, trying to get them to contain and restrain themselves is almost futile.

Because of the mess male users leave behind (again think of trajectory here, people) I have suggested these users assume the effective and tidy method of use that requires one to SIT on the potty. The negative feedback to this suggestion can only be the result of fear. Fear of falling off, that is. Which is why I’m working on copyrighting a toilet seatbelt.

In all seriousness, as the sole female on this property (Second Born Son wanted a female dog, but I told him I was the only bitch girl in the family.) I have had somewhat of an epiphany.

Is it fair for me to expect three males to keep the seat down on the toilet solely for my use and comfort? Whatever happened to Majority Rule? Being the truly democratic individual that I am, I felt that it was only fair that we find a common ground.

But no one liked the idea of the boys using a Port-A-Potty, so I had to come up with another solution. Which, if you will permit me, IS the correct answer….

 

C)

 

When you think about it – THIS IS HOW THE MANUFACTURER DISPLAYS IT! You don’t walk in to a show room with a stunning four-piece washroom set and the throne is sitting there with the seat up!

I hate walking in and seeing an open toilet. Call me crazy. To me, it’s just a big gaping hole filled with questionable water waiting to catch my earrings, cell phone, keys, infant child.

There should be no battle of the sexes over the loo. It’s a case of common sense and practicality. Both men and women would have to “close” and “open” the appliance to use it, so there is no discrimination!! I know – BRILLIANT, right?

Now that I have saved Humanity from this conundrum, I’m off to create World Peace.

 

 

You LIKE him! You REALLY LIKE him!

/ Sarah / Leave a comment

For all the days as mother that I want to choke the ever lovin’ life out of my boys, I feel I’m blessed with a couple of pretty decent kids.

But I’m completely biased. How can I be otherwise?

Today I was in the middle of a phone conversation about a problem I hoped to resolved. Then First Born Son’s name came up. The person I was speaking to made a point of being very complimentary about him and how he was such a great kid.

Wow, I thought, thanks!

Then the person continued. For a good couple of minutes. The comments he made about my child not only made me feel amazing about my son as a person, but he was also very flattering to me as a parent. I found myself; a) emotional, and b) damn near speechless – and you can count on one hand and only use the thumb for the number of times that has ever happened to me before.

It gave me something to think about for the rest of the day. When it comes to the greatest achievements in life; when it comes to what we will value and hold dear; I can’t think of anything else that means more to me that to do a really good job raising my children. It goes without saying that an equal portion of credit goes to The Big Guy who is an outstanding role model, but it is rewarding to think that the little things that matter to me and that I feel will be important to them as healthy balanced individuals, are the very things that this person was identifying in FBS.

I may never write the Great Canadian Novel. I may not capture a photo that will enlighten our generation and be published in National Geographic. But if I can raise two boys to be men, real men, then I will feel I my life will be worthwhile. It sounds corny to people who don’t have children. I don’t mean to be sappy, and those who know me personally, know I’m not.

I REALLY wanted to be a mom. That desire is what kept me sane during all night feedings, flu, and now, broken bones. Being responsible for another human being is overwhelming. There are days when it is worth it and there are times when you question your sanity. There are no days off.

It’s nice to have days that are so worth it. Especially when you don’t expect it.

Proud of you FBS!

 

 

My Son/Sun

/ Sarah / Leave a comment

Because in my opinion, “Mother’s Day” is just about every day of the year, here’s a shot of Second Born Son. Thank you for your kind words of concern about him. He’s a real trouper and doing very well, all things considered.

Enjoy the sunshine!

Sweet Sixteen

/ Sarah / 2 Comments

When my niece M&M was born, she was about a month early. Things were very touch and go for both her and my sister during her delivery. It was rather dramatic and very fast. Twice I was told that there was a chance that I might not have a niece, or a sister.

Praying was involved.

M&M arrived in the afternoon on April Fool’s Day.

My sister refused to name her daughter until she saw her. I was pushy enough to go down to the ICU and video this tiny baby in her incubator, hooked up to wires and tubes, and then return to my sister’s bedside to play it back for her. My parents held her. I held her, and even The Big Guy held her, before her mother could.

The days that followed were pretty tricky. Being such a small premie, my sister was advised there could be some issues for M&M down the road. We just prayed that we could get her home quickly. M&M never suffered the delays the doctors cautioned about. She has thrived from the day she came home from the hospital.

M&M is the first grandchild for my parents. She was always tough kid, to the point that she has sustained rather serious injuries and never uttered a moan never mind crying. She loves animals, sports and her little sister. She is on Team Jacob. She is selfless and sweet, with her own stubborn streak that I’m sure she comes by honestly.

This year, she turns 16. Little Sister decided M&M needed a Sweet Sixteen party. So she surprised her!

She doesn't wear glasses. She "surprised" us with these!

LS recruited M&M’s best friend to lure her to the hall where the party was being held. Before you know it, she was in the door, and we were screaming “SURPRISE!”

Which resulted in this….

Face covering - M&M code for "Crying".

A room full of people. Family and friends. Food and drink. Decorations and….. A BAND?!?!

<PAUSE> I’d like to offer a little sidebar here on what MY 16th Birthday was like.

  • we had pizza.
  • we watched Top Gun on VHS.
  • when I say “we” I mean my family and my best friend.

No band. No hall. No party. Just in case you are looking for comparisons…

<PLAY>

LS wanted something special for M&M and asked me to put together a photo presentation. It made sense because I’ve taken the lion’s share of photos of just about everyone in this family. However, ironically, I’m the only person left in the Western Hemisphere who has never used Power Point before. SOOOO after several hours of online tutorials, swearing, hair pulling and the overwhelming desire to throw my Mac through the patio doors, I had something that was “presentable.”

M&M 16TH

In spite of the bathtub shot, the buck tooth shot, and just about every shot of her in a costume, M&M is still talking to me. She actually LIKED it!

So far the evening was a huge hit, but LS being who she is, wanted ANOTHER surprise, so she did this to us….

Which resulted in a great deal of snot and tears for those of us watching. If you had told me last fall that not only would my father be alive, but he’d be dancing, I would never have believed you.

But we did a lot of praying then too.