If you’re not First, you’re Last!

I’ve never been a huge fan of “Participation” ribbons. They started in the late 1970s to early 1980s and I remember them at Track and Field, right around this time of year.

Some years, I’d never be in the top four in a given event, but I’d still come home with that blue or white or yellow “Participant” ribbon. I hated it. Who cares that you showed up? I wanted to be good enough to actually get a red (First), blue (Second) or white (Third) ribbon. I never liked the idea of conforming or being just like the rest of the kids, so being handed a ribbon that every other kid was getting was NOT working for me.

In the following decades, Participating became a real achievement. They even made MEDALS for it! I watched my kids bring home wheelbarrow loads of Participation medallions that hang sadly in the corner of their rooms. They are prized or valued. They are dust collectors. I guess that’s the problem when your mom isn’t into participation so much as she is into TRYINGYOURFREAKIN’BEST!

As I have said numerous times, I’m not about perfection, but I am about giving YOUR best EFFORT. If my very best wasn’t as good as your best, then I bloody well want you to get the ribbon for winning, because then I’m going to work harder to whip your butt the next time!

Which reminds me of one of my all time favourite lines in a movie….

YOU'RE LAST

Not exactly what I believe in, but it’s still a great line.

The Big Guy and I have never been the types of parents to tell our kids that they were “the best” at something merely because they were our children, or to make them feel better about themselves. I know several occasions where First Born Son or Second Born Son would come to one of us, crestfallen that they hadn’t received an award they were coveting at school, or hockey, or softball. Sometimes the kid who did get the award was no more deserving, which just added insult to injury, but when the recipient was deserving (which was most of the time) I’d show my offspring why I could see the justice in the decision. Maybe the winner studied harder, practiced more, was more consistent in their efforts. You put in the work, you bring home the hardware – if that’s what you want out of life.

Which is what made last week so very special.

SBS has really embraced his artistic side. His weekly art classes are his favourite times of the week and he spends just about every free moment doing this….

Artist at work!

Artist at work!

He has taken over the dining room, and is often found drawing while listening to YouTube videos about the latest Marvel film or comic book release.

His talent is unmistakeable. And remember, I’m not a gusher!

Original on left, SBS's rendition on the right…crazy, right?

Original on left, SBS’s rendition on the right…crazy, right?

And this…

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Each year there is an art show where all the students, young and old, display their pieces and invite their friends and family to see their work. It’s a lovely evening at the teacher’s studio, spilling out into the back yard.

This year was no different, except for one small detail. SBS won the big award of the evening, Most Improved Artist! The award recognized SBS’s dedication and hard work which was so evident in his art. I loved this for two reasons – one, he was competing against himself, which means he ends up being better, and two, because I don’t believe art can really be judged one piece against another, this award was about the artist’s growth and not his work in comparison to others’.

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He received hardware AND a certificate! Here we have the artist pose with a sample of his body of work.

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And the cherry on the top was that he sold one of his pieces that very night!

Bye Buh Spider Man!

Bye Buh Spider Man!

But what made it so important to SBS was that while he didn’t expect it, he realized after that he was deserving. Isn’t that what makes winning so sweet?

The Big Wee-ner!

The Big Wee-ner!

The hardware now sits in a place of honour in the living room, for all to see and admire! 🙂

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The Birds and the Bees

If you live in Ontario, you recently became aware of the new Sex Education curriculum for public elementary school students.

You also recently became aware that when it comes to talking about sensitive topics, some Ontarians would rather discuss personal debt and their credit score before they would want to talk about sex. Take our provincial government for example. The previous curriculum was crafted in the mid to late 1990s, decades before “sexting” was part of the vernacular.

Pix taken shortly before the last Sex Education curriculum update...

Pix taken shortly before the last Sex Education curriculum update…

Immediate reaction was critical; those parents who felt the new lessons went too far, and those who felt things were left out.

In a nutshell, the new curriculum would introduce the concept of consent starting in Grade 1. Considering grown adults struggle with consent, I think this is bloody brilliant. What better time to educate a human about permission to touch another human being than when they are at their most “touchy-feely”!?

Then, GASP, children are introduced to what masturbation is around Grade 6. Since most kids – particularly in my experience, the male ones, have hands-on experience in this area before this age, I’m not sure why this is so shocking?? Let’s be proactive instead of reactive. Especially when it comes to making babies! Pregnancy prevention hits around Grade 8 and while you might be about to protest that this is FAR too young, let me advise you that a student a year old than First Born Son became a daddy several years ago, at the ripe old age of 14. I’m thinking this new curriculum would have helped him tremendously!

The argument many people have is that sexual education should come from a child’s parents. In a perfect world, it would. In a perfect world, all parents would be perfect too, so the type of information passed to their children would be flawless. Alas, we have flawed parents who are teaching their flawed perspectives of sexuality on to their children. There are some parents who get it right and are able to give their children a healthy understanding of their sexuality; and there are the others. I’m thinking of the parents of a girl who came to school and accused two boys of making inappropriate comments to her (think along the lines of various sexual positions) that they would like to try with her. Oh, did I mention they were in Grade 4 at the time?! Following a traumatic interrogation of the two boys, it eventually came out that the comments were never made, and that the young girl shows an inordinate amount of knowledge of risqué vocabulary which, she eventually told the teacher, was due to the fact that her much older siblings allowed her to watch porn with them. THAT’S one way of educating the child in the home!!!

Now what about the parents who have their own personal sexual issues? Whether it’s an extreme religious view, homophobia, a history of molestation or perhaps being exposed to a sexually transmitted disease; is it ok that they pass along these traumas to their children? To make sex an evil and unhealthy activity that will only serve to warp yet another generation?

We were fortunate enough to have a really good conversation about sex with both our sons. The Big Guy wasn’t sure what to expect when talking to his sons, since his parents didn’t feel the need to have the conversation with him. His knowledge came from friends and the stilted sex ed program of the 1970s. I can remember feeling traumatized when the girls were corralled in one class room for the talk about the female reproductive organs, and then the following year, they threw us together with the boys to discuss how babies were made – THAT made for a very interesting afternoon recess, I can tell you that much! We were all afraid to stand too close to each other, for fear we’d make a baby!!!

Somebody needs to tell these two what is causing all these babies - and put an end to it!!!

Somebody needs to tell these two what is causing all these babies – and put an end to it!!!

Today the challenges are hitting children younger and younger. They see images online, in movies and in life. Technology provides good and bad opportunities, and denying the education necessary to navigate the waters won’t make these facts go away.

At the end of the day, sexuality is part of what makes us human and if we want our children to be healthy, whole individuals, we have to make sure they have all the information they need at the age they need it at, in the society they are faced with.

CATCH UP

Another stretch of radio silence and I do apologize for that. I was visiting with a dear friend the other night and we were catching up after a long stretch of our own brand of radio silence. We discussed spouses, kids, family members and jobs. Sadly, a lot of the discussion was rather sad, and stressful, but to a certain extent, we both realize that no one gets through this life unscathed. I learned a long time ago to stop asking, “It couldn’t get any worse, could it?” because the answer is sometimes frightening.

Neither of us talks like this on a daily basis. Neither of us is the type to drop our heads, pop our lips out in a pout and whimper “why me?” It’s just that every now and then, a girl has gotta vent!

About a year ago I was fortunate enough to see a motivational speaker who called out a large group of people on the human nature flaw of self-pity. He pointed that drama is toxic, talking about others (gossip) is toxic, ranting is toxic. He also stated the obvious – that everyone who lives this life will face challenges. Some are small and annoying, some are large and life-changing, but EVERYONE will have them both. People who ask “Why me?” should then ask themselves, “If you not you, then WHO?” Does any one person deserve to have an inordinate amount of trials and tribulations so that others may have less??

Part of what makes life sweet, are the sour moments. Think about it. You cannot appreciate the light without the darkness. If you were given an existence without hills and valleys, you would undoubtedly, be bored – not to mention unfulfilled. Each of us has a journey. Whether it’s to learn a lesson, share a gift, have an experience, and we all have our crosses to bare.

Every now and then, it seems like my plate is overflowing with “character building” situations; but I also acknowledge how blessed I am, how good my life is, and how much I have to look forward to. There are days that are challenging, but they come with days that are wonderful. I’ll take the sour with the sweet.

Getting More Than You Bargained For!

There’s been a lot of changes around the house lately. I’m still having a hard time getting used to seeing this…

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not to mention this…

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It’s a rather unsettling feeling to have the person you gave birth to responsible for the safe delivery of you and your loved ones from Point A to Point B!

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It’s been just over a year and a half since First Born Son got his licence.

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From the time he was a wee lad, FBS has dreamt about the day he would have the freedom of the open road. It started with lawnmowers, then farm tractors, and finally…

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THE TRUCK!

He spent the summer understanding the joys of manual steering, manual transmission and manual brakes, along with the pain that comes with filling a 40 year old truck with Premium gasoline, since it cannot handle Regular. I’m fairly certain he didn’t fill up for less than $1.47/L. His “coming of age” with regards to transportation didn’t actually come until the fall, when he realized that he could A) drive the old truck, rack up repairs and spend a small fortune in gas; B) buy a new used truck, reduce some of the costs of repairs or C) get a car.

After countless hours pricing used trucks, FBS realized he would get more bang for his buck by looking for a used car to drive throughout his college years, then save up for his dream pickup truck once he was a working man. A mature decision to be sure!

Countless more hours are lost over the Christmas holidays looking at various cars. His father and I veto a number of models due to their poor crash ratings, which, coincidentally, he wouldn’t be able to fit his lanky frame into anyway!

Ironically, he fell into a terrific deal. A 2003 Ford Taurus with moderate mileage, a V6 engine, summer AND winter tires, and only one owner; a older couple who have since stopped driving and therefore have no need for a vehicle. Their trusted mechanic was selling it on their behalf.

CAR 1

While this wasn’t the “coolest” of vehicles for a teenaged male, it did have the key factors for the licensed teenaged male in our household: four tires, an engine, and pedals that adjusted for his long legs. Grannymobile or not, FBS was willing to take on this four-door family car! Now should any of his buddies give him grief, he could always ask how many of them had not ONE but TWO vehicles?!

CAR 2

Once the deal was finalized and the ownership was transferred, FBS took to making the car his own. With today being a snow day, he pulled it into the garage and gave it a thorough cleaning. Which is when he came across this…

LUBE

Funny, he didn’t pay for an Oil, Lube and Filter…

(The car has since been thoroughly disinfected!)

To Gramma’s House We Go – aka – Back to the Forest, aka – Yes, We Wanted a Real Tree, Again…

Much like gathering the family around the telly for the annual viewing of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer, Miracle on 34th Street, or even National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation,

ALL RIGHTS TO NATION LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION - CHEVY CHASE

ALL RIGHTS TO NATION LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION – CHEVY CHASE

…it isn’t really and truly Christmas until The Bowery Girl posts her now annual Christmas Tree post. Last year’s went over so well, we just had to give it another go.

Our search party was smaller this year, as First Born Son was scheduled to work, and I choose to believe that Dad was with us in spirit. With my Mother’s blessing (but not participation- she had heard about last year’s antics), Second Born Son, The Big Guy, and I headed out into the great green yonder.

The Big Guy is making sure we have no issues with area hunters.

The Big Guy is making sure we have no issues with area hunters.

We passed the area where we found last year’s tree, certain that there were no suitable specimens from last year. We walked and walked. Eventually SBS was feeling the strain of the trek.

Piggy back ride anyone?

Piggy back ride anyone?

After all, it had been a solid 10 minute walk!

We cut across open spaces, since that is where the most evenly developed trees can be found,

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…and SBS thought he’d found the perfect tree, but we thought it was a little on the small side.

Not bad, not bad at all!

Not bad, not bad at all!

Then The Big Guy thought he’d found the perfect tree!

Um, little full, lots of sap!

Um, little full, lots of sap!

Then he suggested the one I was standing beside, but I quickly advised him I was not a “Scotch Pine” kinda gal.

Nooooooooooooo!

Nooooooooooooo!

Finally, there was a choir of angels singing, a beam of light shone down and THERE IT WAS!!!!!

HALELUJAH!

HALELUJAH!

Unfortunately, The Big Guy thought we were pointing at the tree BESIDE the one that SBS found!

Um, no.

Um, no.

Finally the confusion was clarified, and we decided we had our tree, thanks to SBS. Now, it was time to cut that bad boy down and haul it back. SBS was a little slow to volunteer, after what had happened to him last year, but his father convinced him that would never happen TWICE! SBS stood his ground, so it was The Big Guy who had to cut the tree.

Cutting,,,

Cutting,,,

We waited.

SBS taking the "supervisor" role.

SBS taking the “supervisor” role.

You don’t realize how big the trunk of these darn trees are until you start sawing them!

Losin' daylight here bud!

Losin’ daylight here bud!

And then it happened!!

And he tells me he's on the Health and Safety Committee at work!

And he tells me he’s on the Health and Safety Committee at work!

The tree jigged when it should have jagged and SBS misjudged how tall he was in relation to the tree and it GOT HIM!

He might just make it doctor!

He might just make it doctor!

Once we realized there was no long-term damage, we propped him up and told him to drag the tree out of the bush. We’re awesome parents like that.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

So like the trouper that he is, he agreed to pull the tree out of the bush. But he forgot how far we had walked to get into this little clearing.

No child labor laws were impacted by the removal of this tree!

No child labor laws were impacted by the removal of this tree!

The Big Guy is now supervising!

The Big Guy is now supervising!

We told him it would put hair on his chest!

We told him it would put hair on his chest!


And before you know it – it was all trimmed up and decorated! Made all the blood, sweat and tears worthwhile! (Almost – right SBS?)

The purdiest tree you ever dun seen!

The purdiest tree you ever dun seen!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

The Pie Man

Most people know how much I love to bake, but one dessert eluded me – PIE!

Now I have tried. Lord knows my mother tried! A dedicated pie maker herself, Mom tried on more than one occasion to teach me the art of the pie crust, to no avail. I continued to persevere on my own, with hope building up each time I saw a recipe entitled “No Fail Crust” or even better, “Really No Fail Crust”.

Guess what, they FAILED! Or, perhaps I failed, depending on your definition of womanhood and one’s ability to whip up a good ol’ fashioned apple pie!

So what I lacked in pastries, I made up for in cakes, cookies and muffins! So when First Born Son came to me and asked how to make pie, I hung my head in shame and told him I was not the woman for the job.

But his Gramma is!

So before you could say “Pumpkin Pie” we dragged her to my kitchen and armed her with pie plates and flour.

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With an interest reserved for only for antique trucks and farm equipment, FBS was riveted. He worked the dough just the way she asked. He rolled the pastry with the utmost care!

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She taught him the fine art of crimping the crust. And crimp he did!!

Gramma crimping on left, FBS crimping on the right! His fingers are considerably  larger!

Gramma crimping on left, FBS crimping on the right! His fingers are considerably larger!

It was heart warming to see them in action…

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Delish!

Delish!

…because we finally get to eat pie again!

Time Warp!

The most remarkable thing has happened!

This wee lad…

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woke this morning looking like this!!!

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It’s hard to believe that Second Born Son turns 14 tomorrow. The same kid who required two hour-long trips to the hospital in order to get into this world, is now in high school! It seems like yesterday that we took him to speech therapy! Yes – don’t get me started on the fact that I devoted hours to helping get this kid to talk. I’m painfully aware every time he starts discussing his latest video console obsession!

SBS is such a wonderful combination of light and fun. He hates it when animals or the elderly are endangered. He could care less about what other people think of him. For example, he’s not fazed by an unusual coat or jeans he’s grown out of; after all, he’s comfortable!

Our son has impeccable comedic timing, so it’s no surprise that he’s joined the Improv Club at school. He’s always been a fish around water…
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and has now earned Bronze Medallion with his eye set on the Bronze Cross in the spring!

His artistic ability is amazing!

Original on left, SBS's rendition on the right…crazy, right?

Original on left, SBS’s rendition on the right…crazy, right?

Artist at work!

Artist at work!

He’s a good friend, a great brother and a wonderful son!

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I cannot imagine our lives without him!

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Happy Birthday Sweetie!

Road Trip!

To say I was a bit excited when The Big Guy agreed to go away for the weekend would be a serious understatement.

You see, it’s been six and a half years since the last time the two of us went away without les enfants. The purpose was to visit The Big Guy’s niece at university in Kingston, since the poor girl doesn’t get home too often and visits from family are even more rare.

I was so excited, that I didn’t even give him a hard time when we left over an hour late from our mutually agreed upon departure time. I simply programmed the GPS and slipped behind the steering wheel.

That’s when we hit the first bump in the road — pun intended. The Big Guy is old school when it comes to driving. He’s not a fan of the GPS and reaches for the map every time. I agreed to the “scenic route” he wanted, keeping off the 401 on a Friday afternoon is a no-brainer for me! However, when he started arguing with the GPS lady, I knew we were going to have problems. While the route he opted for was lovely (hard to fully appreciate while driving) we were losing light fast and needed to stop for dinner. Passing several opportunities, I begged him to decide on a location. Losing strength and hallucinating platers of food, I was relieved when The Big Guy declared that a tiny roadside diner with a full parking lot was our destination. What made it special from the dozen or so eateries we had passed? Hullo – the parking lot was FULL!

Upon entry, I knew we were in for an experience. It was like stepping back in time to when smokers could kill you indoors and drinking and driving was politically correct. The decor was part corrugated steel wainscotting, part rough cut lumber. The Big Guy was THRILLED! My doubts were reinforced when I entered the ladies’ room.

NEVER a good sign!

NEVER a good sign!

Take a good look at this picture. Exactly what is going on in that stall that required the occupant to use such force that they broke the lock on multiple occasions?!?

Then there was the rest of the bathroom decor…

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Hey, I don’t have anything against a good karaoke session, but one has to question the half naked females used to promote it (cropped it out of shot!!). Don’t even START me on the Halloween poster! Top it off with that lovely chemical toilet smell and you can imagine how I anticipated my meal.

In spite of my reservations, the food was amazing. It gave me a little pain to say so, but The Big Guy nailed it. Chicken Marsala – that’s all I need to say about that!

While The Big Guy flirted with the waitress, which earned him extra serviettes and wet wipes, I realized that the sun had set. So much for the “scenic route”. Determined to stick to his plan The Big Guy insisted we could still take the path less traveled. We stuck with this less than bright idea for about 45 minutes, when I begged him to let me hit the 401 so we could arrive a the hotel the same night.

Long trip short – the four hour drive we were anticipating morphed into a 7 hour adventure. Yes, we are still married.

It was a wonderful weekend of food and family, landmarks and laughs.

The Big Guy's first selfie. After all, his arms are longer than mine!

The Big Guy’s first selfie. After all, his arms are longer than mine!

But like all good things, the weekend came to an end and it was time to head home.

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While the return trip was much shorter, it was dinner by the time we got home. Imagine my surprise when we walked in the door to this…

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Yes folks, that’s two teenaged boys making dinner in a spotless kitchen! I managed this shot just before losing consciousness.

I think I’m going away next weekend too!

Roundup Reading

There has been far too much going on to focus on any one topic, so here goes nuthin’!

1. Graduation

DSC_5528

It was a pretty big day. Second Born Son wore my Dad’s going away suit from his wedding to my mother 46 years ago. Some minor alterations and a trip to the dry cleaner, and he was the snappiest grad in the room. Dad gave him the suit two months ago and seeing the outfit that night was a very emotional part of the event.

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If you think he was excited about the Graduation certificate….

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…and the Athletic certificate (with a broken arm for half the year, no less)…

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…imagine our surprise when he received the Principal’s Leadership Award.

My mother and I were too busy commenting on the various other awards being handed out, to listen to what the principal was saying about our Grad!

“Each year, the Ontario Principal’s Council donates a leadership award to go to a deserving grade 8 graduate. This student demonstrates many great qualities such as leadership, and citizenship, and kindness, and humour, and respect. He’s helpful, well-liked. He’s willing to go that extra mile for peers and for adults. He’s supportive of on-going social causes and has been active with the Me to We group. He approaches life with a great positive energy and unbridled enthusiasm. I am pleased to give the OPC Leadership Award to SECOND BORN SON!”

Needless to say, we are very proud!

2. The Kindness of Others
It has been truly heartwarming to experience the outpouring of support and kindness in the weeks (a month already!) following my father’s passing. You find out who the people are that you can count on; those who truly care.

It is a unique situation; losing a parent. Those of you who have not yet experienced this, there are no words to prepare you. People can tell you their stories, but your experience will be as unique as your relationship. To those of you who have lost one or both of your parents; wow – I cannot believe how much this situation sucks. It’s like the world is spinning on a different axis. The sun now rises in the North. You almost lose trust in yourself. You don’t even realize you go days without crying and then a single phrase can knock the wind out of you.
I want to feel better and forget about this. I never want to feel better and I will never forget this.

3. Hail Mary – Good News!
Anyone who has followed The Bowery Girl knows that employment has been a delicate top. Need a refresher? Try here.

In the past three years, there has been a lot of frustration, some revelations and a great deal of change. The job I’m going to at the end of the month is a compilation of every job I’ve ever had, including my most recent. It’s interesting how the universe will make you think you are heading out into the wilderness, only to find your Utopia!

I’m very happy to be back to work full time, even if The Big Guy and the boys will have to make do with a little less homemade baking!

In the Blink of an Eye

Today, Second Born Son graduates from Grade 8. I’m not really sure how that’s possible since I just took this photo days ago….

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But I have an invitation from his school saying that he graduates today, so I guess it must be true. There were hints that this was coming, like the grad photos that were taken last fall. However, as you can see, I can be forgiven for thinking it was his Kindergarten graduation.

2014 on the left, 2006 on the right.

2014 on the left, 2006 on the right.

The irony is, that SBS hasn’t changed all that much from either of these two “youthful” photos. He’s still quick with the smile, and the hugs, and the kindness, not to mention the one-liners. Reading his report card yesterday, I was struck at how much the qualities I love about him are the same qualities that his teachers appreciate in him.

Elementary school is 9 years that go by in the blink of an eye. I cannot image how fast the next four will be.

So proud of you Tootie! xo