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Things I’ve Learned from my Last Post

/ Sarah / Leave a comment

Thank you for reading! Pro or con, I’ve appreciated all the feedback I’ve received since the last post. I find it interesting to see what people take away from posts. It often reveals a lot about them! 😉

  1. After being caught in the middle of not one, but two crossfires, I understand that as passionate as people are, there is someone just as passionate with a completely opposing position.
  2. Some people have interpreted that I believe Ghomeshi should be found guilty. A) I am frustrated that the law allows him to remain silent. B) I believe the fault in this case lays at the feet of the Crown, who seemed to not just drop the ball, but kick it out into traffic. Had they done some research and worked with the witnesses to help them understand the process, this could have been avoided.
  3. That I have a whole lot of respect for this woman, who just today came forward..http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2016/04/18/why-jian-ghomeshi-accuser-wants-you-to-know-her-name-porter.html

Fear not, the next post is much “lighter”. 😉

 

10 Things I’ve Learned from the Ghomeshi Trial

/ Sarah / 6 Comments

While some of you may feel the Jian Ghomeshi verdict is sooooo last week (literally and figuratively), it’s taken me a couple of days to let everything sink in.

First there was the frustration with the verdict.

Second there was the need to understand how that verdict came to be. Let me tell you folks, it’s a lost day when you don’t learn something new. And in that spirit, I present to you:

THE 10 THINGS I’VE LEARNED FROM THE GHOMESHI TRIAL

If I ever find myself in the terrifying position of testifying in my own Sexual Assault case, there are some key points I will need to remember if I want a successful outcome from the legal process and the Court of Public Opinion.

  1. “Justice” System is a bit of a misnomer in this case. Let’s go with “The Courts”. Our laws make it rather daunting for victims of Sexual Assault to come forward.
  2. Although more women have come forward to report their own sexual assaults following the exposure of this case, critics say it will take many more women to report sexual assault before the standards change. THAT’S encouraging. Can we get some more outrage brewing out here ladies?
  3. I have to depict myself as being sexually worldly, but not a “freak”, and certainly not a puritan. I will have to be comfortable talking about sex, but I better not make other people uncomfortable when I do it. (Note to self – look up definition of “Slut Shaming”.)
  4. I can’t show that I own or enjoy my own sexuality. Remember, it’s up to other people to objectify women, but we cannot be seen as using our bodies for that very same outcome. (Note to self – make sure to delete all photos where I’m wearing a bathing suit. Both of them.)
  5. I cannot allow myself to contact the accused following the alleged incident. After all, no one would reach out to this person again, right? I’m not entitled to demand clarification? Explanation? Frustration? I will have to hope I’m never in the same line of work, social circle, family, etc.  so I don’t have to interact with him. ‘Cause I’m not supposed to.
  6. I need to become an expert on automobiles. No one likes to be called a liar because they cannot remember the type of car the accused drove at the time of the incident.
  7. Same goes for houses, geography, cuisine, fashion, public transit. Basically EVERYTHING. If you can’t answer with authority, you must be fabricating.
  8. Don’t look like a know it all. You will look rehearsed and convey that you are trapping the accused. Yes, I realize this conflicts with #7 – deal with it.
  9. Never forget anything I have told others about this incident. This includes, but is not limited to: police, family, friends, colleagues, other victims. Again, basically EVERYONE. Additionally – make sure I commit all social media and electronic communications to memory so that it doesn’t look like misleading police or the courts. I will have to have the world’s greatest recall, without looking like I was deliberately creating the evidence and framing the accused.
  10. Understand that even though one of the hardest things I will ever do is to come forward to police to discuss one of the most intimate, and therefore traumatizing events of my life, that I will be dissected, insulted, maligned, vilified, labeled, scrutinized, criticized, objectified and ostracized. And the alleged attacker with never have to utter a word to defend his actions.

“Innocent until proven guilty.” Who? Of what?

Letters That Need to be Written – Part VII

/ Sarah / Leave a comment

Dear Republican Party/Voters of the United States of America,

As a Canadian and a rational, somewhat intelligent person (I did put on blue socks with black pants today, but otherwise…), I want to kindly, gently, and firmly talk to you about an unhealthy relationship you are in right now…

…with Donald Trump.

Consider this an intervention of sorts. Friends don’t let friends date idiots.

We stood back when he first came on the scene with designs on you. We understood he was going to come at you hard, with the goal being your “#1” especially with such a large field of potential suitors. To a certain degree, one could see the initial attraction; money, celebrity (which, although it’s not OUR thing, we know you get sweaty palms over fame), and charisma – of a fashion.

We gave him a chance to win us over. We saw how he was peacocking and showing you how “in charge” he was. He’d go on and on about how he could show you how things could be GREAT again, even though things seem really good for you right now – especially after you broke it off with Bush  2.0.  Even then, we had our doubts about Trump, and hoped you would keep him in the friend zone.

Now, with less than a year until the Nov 8, 2016 presidential election, and Trump having some notable success in key states, we think now is the time for us to have a chat. You obviously are taking him a little more seriously, therefore, we have to take him a little more seriously.

<PAUSE>
Truthfully, it’s 9 months from the Presidential election. We don’t need you making a BIG mistake right now that will make you feel like you need to “seal the deal” with Trump. Please make sure you are taking all the necessary precautions!!!
<PLAY>

We are your BEST friend. We’ve lived beside you our WHOLE LIVES. We want the best for you. We want to get along with your “special” person. Right now, Trump thinks what’s best for you is a wall between us. What the hell did we do to deserve that? I realize this is a small slight compared to the asinine slams he has leveled against (including, but not limited to, as this list grows daily): Mexicans, Women, Muslims, African-Amercians, Megyn Kelly, fellow Republican candidates, John McCain, wait, I’m running out of time on this…..

Really, we question why you are interested in him in the first place, aside from the aforementioned glitz. The guy is, at the very least, a misogynist. I shake my head when I realize that this is a man who has not one but three “Mrs. Trumps” on his roster, not to mention two daughters. We think he knows how good he’ll have it when he’s with you. You have a lot more to offer him, than he does you.

Remember, you are judged by the company you keep, and Trump is on the record as praising Vladimir Putin. Putin, the bully and egomaniac of Eastern Europe, then gave Trump a verbal high five by saying he is a great man. This is not comforting to us!

Maybe you think he’s harmless and you are just stringing him along because his insane rants amuse you. I don’t think this is a game of Chicken that you want to engage in. Time is ticking and the longer you keep this moron around, the more you will believe get used to his crap! And don’t think we haven’t notice that his favorite word is “stupid”. Coincidence?

Perhaps your infatuation with this clown’s wealth (his corporations have declared bankruptcy, if may you recall) is clouding your judgement. Maybe you don’t see what the rest of us (read here: THE WORLD) sees? Trump is the loudmouth guy at every party, who is obnoxious before he gets drunk and is intolerable once he is inebriated. He’s not smart or even clever, as he blathers on about being so popular that he could shoot someone in plain sight and get away with it!?! He picks fights with unsuspecting guests, tells outrageous stories, then he defies anyone to question him, refuses to be accountable for his actions even when he’s caught red-handed,  and he will NEVER apologize because he is NEVER wrong. Just ask him! He is basically pissing off all of your friends. Remember Britain? Remember how it took you so long to get to a good place after that whole Independence thing?! Well, if you hook up with Trump, he’s not exactly welcome in England! What does that tell you?

If you give him a chance with you, what do you think life will be like? Personal jets and badly decorated boudoirs? Oprah, or Dr. Phil, or Dr. Oz, or Dr. Zeus said, “When people show you who they are – believe them.” He’s showing you who he is. It ain’t good. You won’t change Trump. He won’t get better. If anything, he’ll get worse once he’s “The One.”

Please understand USA, we are not judging you. We too have been in our share of unhealthy relationships. Hell, we just got out of one ourselves. (We don’t like talking about Stephen Harper, but for the purpose of helping you avoid such a disastrous mistake, we’ll make an exception.) We know you deserve better. You deserve someone who will let you shine on the world stage. Someone who values you and isn’t looking to further their own life ambitions. Someone you won’t be embarrassed to leave alone at a family gathering. You aren’t a career move, you are the self proclaimed Greatest Country In the Free World, mainly because we don’t want to argue with you over THAT. (Although we all know the truth now, don’t we?)

Call it of now. Save yourself (and us) the heartache.

Your pal,

Sarah

 

 

Papercut

/ Sarah / 7 Comments

In an effort to give you a break from the reno madness (Lord knows I want to get away from it!) let’s talk about something that has bothered me for a couple of weeks now.

2016-01-31 16.31.57

As you may know, The Bowery Girl started as “The Bowery” and was a column in a community newspaper I used to work for. I have written for three newspapers, along with two periodicals. Last week, I found out that the paper it worked at during my college co-op and later as a freelancer, was no longer producing a hardcopy edition. Basically it’s finished. The Guelph Mercury was in its 149th year when it was determined by Metroland Publishing to be no longer a viable business venture. In an effort to find some aspect of “glass half full”, the statement released last week indicated that the online version would continue.

That’s kind of like saying, “The Titanic may be sinking, but we’ve got a couple of great lifeboats over here!” With the amount of staff left behind following the layoffs, they wouldn’t be able to fill a lifeboat.

Another paper I used to work for, the one in my current hometown, has also experienced serious downsizing. Pointing to financial considerations, the weekly paper has shut down its storefront, which it has enjoyed since its inception, and moved to a town 45 minutes away. This would allow them to allegedly reduce costs (one would argue that increased milage and decrease subscriptions due to public dissatisfaction would be larger costs). This paper is also owned by Metroland. Now before you think I’m throwing shade on Metroland, please know that I worked for Thompson Media, Southam Media AND Hollinger Inc. They were all terrible. In school, our teachers advised that you wanted to work for a Thompson paper first, because the excellent work ethic environment (read here – they worked you like a slave) along with the fiscal restraint, would position young journalists well for opportunities at the more plush Southam papers. They were wrong. Once my publication became a Southam paper (because community papers were swapped, traded and bought out like NHL contracts), we were told that Hollinger was where the REAL money and opportunities were at. WRONG again!

For me, it was a no-brainer that when it came to being a working mom and contributing to a household, I could not continue as a full-time journalist. I have never made as little money as I have when I’ve been a professional writer. Low income wages are the norm in this line of work, something I kicked myself for not investigating further before applying to college.

Truth of the matter is this; journalism, and in fact journalists, are not overly valued in today’s society. I’m not talking about Katie Couric, I’m talking about the workhorse journalists. The ones who write locally. From a corporate standpoint, editorial was always the losing end of the stick. Advertising is where the money was literally and figuratively. If Advertising cried, the Publisher wiped its tears. Editorial was the hanger-on. Necessary to fill the holes between display ads, or the pages before the classifieds, but otherwise Editorial cost money. Cameras, dark rooms, mileage.

I was angry to hear about the local paper moving away and losing its community profile. I knew it wasn’t a local decision, but rather a corporate one. And therein lies the problem. The farther away you are from the community, the less you relate to it. Faces and stories are lost in numbers and dollar signs. I interviewed hundreds of people while I was a beat reporter. I had people who came to me with stories ahead of other reporters and publications because we had a relationship. That’s what’s at stake with the closure of these  newspapers. The community needs a relationship with its newspaper. Cutting costs, focusing on spreadsheets, slashing and burning. It has nothing to do with community support, investment in people, connecting with the reader.

Sadly, I’m not sure that people understand what they are losing, or have already lost by not having an active and thriving newspaper in their community. You may feel you aren’t impacted because of your internet connection or (God forbid) you find out news faster on Facebook. But you don’t have the balance that comes with the Fifth Estate (no I’m not referencing CBC right now). You don’t have the experience, accountability and conscious that comes with an investigative journalist. You don’t know how your community is unique and why you should be proud to be a part of it.

I do think that was part of the problem; the slippery slope of cutting back coverage to reduce costs, reduce pages, reduce local content all due to a reduction in ad revenues. The public gets their information elsewhere. The paper makes further cuts. The public gives up their reliance on the paper entirely. The paper shutters. The community will suffer.

Is there an answer? I think there is, but the travesty is that no one is looking for it. That would require effort, and heaven help us, money.

I’m just sad that it seems it’s as hard as ever to see the value in the printed word.

 

 

Resolve

/ Sarah / Leave a comment

Resolutions.

It’s the annual tradition around this time of the year to reflect, and therefore plan for the year to come.

I hate resolutions.

I’ve done it a couple of times, but quickly found that my personality isn’t suited for them. You can start with the best of intentions but then, life happens. Then there’s the guilt and the sense of failure.

I’ve decided to take a different approach. Instead of looking at the things in my life I want to change, that should I fail will make me feel bad about myself, I prefer to look at the beginning of the year as a chance to challenge myself. Last year, it was to say YES to things that are outside my comfort zone.

I started with food. Specifically, Sushi. Then I moved on. To Indian food.

2015-12-24 12.50.34

Mmmmm – Butter Chicken!

I didn’t just leave it to dining out; I tried new foods at home, and it was pretty much a success each time. I liked the idea of challenging myself, and feeding my family healthy, flavourful meals. We have some new favourites now! (Spaghetti squash anyone?!?)

Then there was recommitting to Yoga. It helped that The Big Guy was willing to give it a go. We’ve made Monday night “date night” as we Downward Dog ourselves to healthier bodies!

I’m also trying to look at better ways of taking care of myself. While it’s traditionally accepted to pop a pill or chug a manufactured syrup, I’m trying to figure out WHY I’m ill, pained or otherwise out of sync. A couple of people have looked at me funny when I show them I’m wearing a crystal or using an essential oil to give myself comfort. Those who have opened their minds to these things are quick converts themselves! Keep learning and keep young!! 😀

So long story short – look at New Year’s Eve as a chance to dust off the bucket list. As I sit here this evening, I’m thinking of what I want to tackle in 2016. It’s certainly more fun than contemplating a diet or deciding what I want to “quit”.

Happy New Year! 2015 was certainly a step up from 2014. Can’t wait for 2016!

The Birds and the Bees

/ Sarah / 2 Comments

If you live in Ontario, you recently became aware of the new Sex Education curriculum for public elementary school students.

You also recently became aware that when it comes to talking about sensitive topics, some Ontarians would rather discuss personal debt and their credit score before they would want to talk about sex. Take our provincial government for example. The previous curriculum was crafted in the mid to late 1990s, decades before “sexting” was part of the vernacular.

Pix taken shortly before the last Sex Education curriculum update...

Pix taken shortly before the last Sex Education curriculum update…

Immediate reaction was critical; those parents who felt the new lessons went too far, and those who felt things were left out.

In a nutshell, the new curriculum would introduce the concept of consent starting in Grade 1. Considering grown adults struggle with consent, I think this is bloody brilliant. What better time to educate a human about permission to touch another human being than when they are at their most “touchy-feely”!?

Then, GASP, children are introduced to what masturbation is around Grade 6. Since most kids – particularly in my experience, the male ones, have hands-on experience in this area before this age, I’m not sure why this is so shocking?? Let’s be proactive instead of reactive. Especially when it comes to making babies! Pregnancy prevention hits around Grade 8 and while you might be about to protest that this is FAR too young, let me advise you that a student a year old than First Born Son became a daddy several years ago, at the ripe old age of 14. I’m thinking this new curriculum would have helped him tremendously!

The argument many people have is that sexual education should come from a child’s parents. In a perfect world, it would. In a perfect world, all parents would be perfect too, so the type of information passed to their children would be flawless. Alas, we have flawed parents who are teaching their flawed perspectives of sexuality on to their children. There are some parents who get it right and are able to give their children a healthy understanding of their sexuality; and there are the others. I’m thinking of the parents of a girl who came to school and accused two boys of making inappropriate comments to her (think along the lines of various sexual positions) that they would like to try with her. Oh, did I mention they were in Grade 4 at the time?! Following a traumatic interrogation of the two boys, it eventually came out that the comments were never made, and that the young girl shows an inordinate amount of knowledge of risqué vocabulary which, she eventually told the teacher, was due to the fact that her much older siblings allowed her to watch porn with them. THAT’S one way of educating the child in the home!!!

Now what about the parents who have their own personal sexual issues? Whether it’s an extreme religious view, homophobia, a history of molestation or perhaps being exposed to a sexually transmitted disease; is it ok that they pass along these traumas to their children? To make sex an evil and unhealthy activity that will only serve to warp yet another generation?

We were fortunate enough to have a really good conversation about sex with both our sons. The Big Guy wasn’t sure what to expect when talking to his sons, since his parents didn’t feel the need to have the conversation with him. His knowledge came from friends and the stilted sex ed program of the 1970s. I can remember feeling traumatized when the girls were corralled in one class room for the talk about the female reproductive organs, and then the following year, they threw us together with the boys to discuss how babies were made – THAT made for a very interesting afternoon recess, I can tell you that much! We were all afraid to stand too close to each other, for fear we’d make a baby!!!

Somebody needs to tell these two what is causing all these babies - and put an end to it!!!

Somebody needs to tell these two what is causing all these babies – and put an end to it!!!

Today the challenges are hitting children younger and younger. They see images online, in movies and in life. Technology provides good and bad opportunities, and denying the education necessary to navigate the waters won’t make these facts go away.

At the end of the day, sexuality is part of what makes us human and if we want our children to be healthy, whole individuals, we have to make sure they have all the information they need at the age they need it at, in the society they are faced with.

Bound by the ‘Lift & Separate’

/ Sarah / 3 Comments

We had a major development in our house last week. If you are aware of the phrase, “Happy Wife, Happy Life”, you know that a momma who is uncomfortable is not a pleasant person to be around. So imagine my unbridled enthusiasm when I found that after 30+ years of daily discomfort, my days of irritation were over!

What was the source of such annoyance, you might ask…

[PAUSE] If you are one of my sons, or my nephew, isn’t this a good time to go clean your room? Study for a test? Wash your hair?? [PLAY]

…a BRA!

Ironcially, the bra celebrated its 100th anniversary last week. Now some of you, particularly of the male persuasion, might say, what’s the big deal about wearing a bra? Don’t all women wear them?

For starters, let’s make it relative. Imagine wearing a jock strap that is perhaps too tight around the waist, or maybe the cup doesn’t fit your “jiggly bits” as well as it should; maybe it cuts in or rubs on your delicate skin. Now imagine wearing that apparatus every day from roughly 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. You’d be a rather annoyed individual as well, wouldn’t you?

BRAS 1

Now bras were considered an improvement over corsets, which I agree is progress, but only relatively speaking. For women who have narrow rib cages and popularly sized cup measurements, most off the rack bras are fine. Those those of us who have some specialized requirements, bra shopping is right up there with swim suit shopping and jury duty as a form of torture.

BRAS 6

Now men will look at a Victoria’s Secret model and think, “She looks so happy, there’s no way that bra is anything but comfy!” To which I reply, “That woman is being paid an obscene amount of money to look like that, and do you think it’s a coincidence that her expression is of wanton desire? SHE WANTS SOMEONE TO TAKE THAT FREAKIN’ BRA OFF SO SHE CAN BREATH AGAIN!”

ONLY Katy Perry can get away with this look...

ONLY Katy Perry can get away with this look…

But when a girl can find a bra that fits, she buys five of them and hangs on to them until there’s nothing left!

BRAS 2

Now I fully understand that the bras of 2014 are a quantum leap from those endured by our mothers and grandmothers. We now have padded bras, water bras, bras with straps that adjust to various necklines, and bras with no straps at all.

Choices, choices!

Choices, choices!

But sometimes the vast array of choices means it’s hard to find what you need. And sometimes what you need changes too, am I right ladies? Maybe you want a sport bra, but end up with a Herculian band of elastic that flattens you out like a pancake. Maybe you are a nursing momma and have to have something that is easy to adjust with one hand, so you don’t have to put the baby down. Maybe you want to simply avoid the dreaded “headlight” condition, and want a bra that allows you to leave something to the imagination. Maybe all your bra needs to do is bring your mammary glands back up to the altitude they were when you were 20.

BRAS 5

Instead, it can take years to find that one bra that doesn’t pinch, bind, rub, chaff, itch or gouge, only to have that style discontinued, and you have to begin from square one all over again! Makes you feel a little more sympathetic for the women in your life, doesn’t it? Good! My work here is done.

So now that I’ve found something that actually fits me, I’m heading back to the store to buy another four! It could be another 30+ years for me to find the next comfortable bra!

LETTERS THAT NEED TO BE WRITTEN – PART VI

/ Sarah / 2 Comments

Dear Supreme Court of Canada,

Today marks the start of the hearings regarding assisted suicide in Canada. First of all, I thank you for FINALLY addressing this matter. It’s only been 21 years since the last time it came up. In that time, millions of Canadians have died, and many of them could have benefitted from an assisted suicide option.

I have watched both my grandmothers, my grandmother-in-law, an uncle, mother-in-law, and my father die. It is easy to decide that assisted suicide is a distasteful thing to discuss while in the prime of your life, while you are healthy and when you feel death is years if not decades away.

However, when you are sitting at the bedside of a loved one; when you have a desperate feeling of helpless when they ask for assistance; when you become so low that you actually pray for them to die – THAT is the moment when you realize how truly necessary this conversation, even this legislation, is.

The Baby Boomers are getting older and it’s a decision that we need to commit to, or be prepared for a further increase in suicide rates. Frankly, I don’t want to have another person I love have to struggle with pain, disease and fear. I wouldn’t want them to feel that was the only option for them.

There are those who fear this intervention being introduced to Canada, however, several other countries have had it in place without serious repercussions. (I’m looking at you Switzerland, Belgium and Netherlands!) If we can address Mental Health concerns, specifically through a screening process, and the patient can be cleared by more than one physician, then why would the government, indeed society, try to dictate how a person leaves this world?

It’s certainly something I have a difficult time with.

Sarah

None of Your Damn Business

/ Sarah / 3 Comments

DISCLAIMER: Forgive me if this post seems a little “sharp”. The topic has struck a chord with me.

By now, it is common knowledge that the very talented Robin Williams has died. While the shock of this news was enough to absorb, I am overwhelmed by the “fallout”. Sure, he was a celebrity, a “public figure”, but that makes him no less human. With a family. With a wife and children. Who are now dealing with the fact that the final hours of their husband/father’s life is being served up for public consumption like the latest Kardashian photo op.

I would NEVER want my father’s final hours made public.

I would NEVER wish for his memory to be hinged on the last act or the type of death he experienced.

It is a great enough loss that the world is without one of the funniest, sweeties, and most talented of actors, without adding the smear of private details. We know he died. We know he battled depression and in the end, killed himself. I don’t want to know how, or in what room he was in, or if he left a note.

I do want to talk about Mental Health, and how we can stop losing such beautiful lights in the world, because they feel they shine alone.

A Man with A Plan

/ Sarah / 2 Comments

You want to know one of the things I love about being a Mom? It’s that you just never know where your life is going to take you.  A simple dinner can turn into a complex conversation about prejudice. Getting ready for school can veer off into a political debate.

Take, for example, a conversation last week, around dinner time. Second Born Son has been jonseing for some extra cash, since he has a serious “graphic novel” (comic book to the rest of us) addiction going on. He has every last coin counted out on his desk and he’s done the research for the upcoming Free Comic Book Day (May 3 cannot come fast enough!). However, the books he really wants, will not be “free” this year.

CURSE YOU UNIVERSE!!

SBS is a clever little dude, so he comes to the Mother Ship to figure out a solution to his financial woes.

“Bud, what it comes down to, is if you want extra money, you need to get a job.” I tell him.

“I don’t want a JOB!” he replies, as though I have suggested that he donate a kidney.

I can see the hamster running on its wheel and his eyes light up.

“I know, you can pay me to do chores!” he announces, with a look of excitement that is reserved for Christmas morning.

{{POW}} – DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMING BATMAN!

“You mean, like recycling, compost, feeding the dogs and picking up poops?” I ask.

“YES! For $20 a week!!” he exclaims, thrilled that I’m picking up what he’s putting down.

“Why would I do that? You are supposed to do that now?” I ask, almost literally scratching my head.

“I KNOW, but you wouldn’t have to TELL me to do it, I’d just do it. And I’d keep my room clean too!” he generously offers.

<PAUSE >Now, I know what you are thinking. You think, ‘Hey Sarah, the kid is asking for an allowance.’ I am in no way, a fan of allowances. I read A LOT about the concept and aside from the fact that I didn’t have one, nor did The Big Guy, I feel like the items that he’s asking for compensation for, are part and parcel of being part of this family. I understand the dynamic of teaching the child the importance of understanding how to handle money. I get that some feel it is good for a child’s sense of self to be responsible for their own currency. However, SBS has demonstrated that with proper guidance, he CAN save money, UNTIL he finds something he SIMPLY. MUST.HAVE. We have also endured his frustration with himself when the coveted item he purchased last week in the throes of desire, quells into another item for the Not So Cool bin once it’s obtained. Boyfriend likes the chase, is what I’m saying. <PLAY>

So, with this in mind, I size up the situation.

“If I was going to pay someone, and I’m not saying I’m going to, I would want a lot more than that,” I reply. At this point The Big Guy is in the room, as is First Born Son (who, by the way, has never asked for an allowance). They can tell by the look on my face that this is going to be entertaining. I’m waiting for them to break out popcorn.

“You tell me what you want me to do and I’ll write it down, we’ll have a contract!” gushes SBS.

“Well, I’m thinking you need to set the table every day, do the dishwasher, start helping with laundry,” he looks up from his note pad at this point, “and you have to help with outside work.” The pen goes down. He’s not picking up my puttin’ down any more.

***ZOINKS***

“What???”

“Well, if I’m going to pay you $20 a week, you are going to have to earn it!” I tell him.

~HOLY BANK ACCOUNT ROBIN!~

“Go for it! That’s $80 a month!” goads FBS. I shoot him a death stare.

“I don’t know,” says SBS, doodling on his “contract” post it note.

“Well maybe I should tell you about my terms for this,” I offer. The Big Guy is smiling now.

“What terms?!” asks SBS.

“Well, right now, I pay for a lot of things for you. I don’t mind doing that because of the things you do help out with. But if we are going to switch and I have to PAY for your help, then I get to cut back on what I spend.”

“Like what???” he asks, genuinely concerned.

“Well, I pay for pizza and milk at school. I won’t pay for that any more, or any pita days.” I state. His jaw drops. “When we go to the city, I treat you to snacks or lunch. I won’t do that any more. I won’t pay for movies either. And now that I think about it, your brother was doing odd jobs around the neighbourhood and he was earning money for some of the clothes he wanted. So maybe it’s only fair we do the same for you?!” My hubby and elder son are transfixed, as though watching a real life episode of Dragons’ Den.

“NO WAY, I’M OUT!” announces SBS. He packs away the note pad and pen. Said contract is in the trash.

“No, hey, wait a minute,” I call out to him, “this could really work out well for me!!

The next morning, the pad is out again.

Lordy! I don't get paid every Friday!!

Lordy! I don’t get paid every Friday!!

I note the reduced rate, as well as the omission of outdoor work and laundry. He has been asking each morning since if I’ve come to a decision about this “counter” offer.

This conversation is going to resume tonight. I have a feeling he is going to enjoy the status quo!