Parenting

Hi! My name is Sarah!

/ Sarah / 2 Comments

Okay, so we didn’t actually break up, stop being so dramatic!

The fact is, Summer is my favorite season and thanks to my ever evolving career (standard work week – yeah, shift work – BOOOO) I’ve tried to max my time outside as much as possible.

So let’s catch up, shall we?

For starters, this guy –

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Has grown into this guy….

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And folks, that photo is over a month old. The most recent check-up revealed that Roman is a fighting 33 kgs and Cane is 27 kgs!!!! He’s only six months old. I’m actually thinking about using him as a sled dog to get me to work this winter!

Naturally we watched ball. M&M was on a kick-ass team and had a very successful season at a number of tournaments, not to mention the Super-Duper Nationals in Nova Scotia in August. They won. Of course.

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As you can see, she picked #22 because it is the date of the birth of her favorite Aunt. She’s so thoughtful that way. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.

During the skills competition in Nationals she won for fastest runner.

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Which is why THIS is such a dangerous posture for the opposing team.

First Born Son took to the field for his final year in ball.

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And he had a great season! Lost in the finals for the A-Side Championship, but hey, going down swinging means there’s no shame in the game! He’s also had some other big events in his life.

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Sumthin’ missin’ here? THE BRACES ARE GONE! We are really proud of the fact that he’s done so well in caring for this teeth, which meant the braces could come off early for all the late summer/early fall activities on the calendar.

However, we are still paying for the braces…… For a couple of months…. Seems wrong don’t it?

With a family wedding coming up, we needed a suit for FBS. Thankfully, my Dad was able to help us out with this!

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With as much experience as my father has in selling suits, NOT taking him was not an option. Watching him flip through the fabric actually made my eyes a little leaky! Love how FBS is ROCKIN’ the running shoes, shorts and jacket look!

Second Born Son had easily the BEST. SUMMER. EVER. After starting with a party for his Confirmation….

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…he only had a few short weeks until he left for camp….

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…where the first thing they do is check for lice. I’ll give you a moment to scratch your scalp.

Better?

He also got his trip to Canada’s Wonderland, with his best bud, (who also went camping with him).

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The two of them mastered the rides. While The Big Guy and I waved from the ground in a couple of instances.

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This is Leviathan. It’s stupid big. We STARTED our day on this ride, and the boys ended their day with it. It’s so big, that when you think you should be at the top of the first big hill you look up and realize, you’re only half-way to the top!!!!

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That is my child up there. I could not fit the top and the bottom of the hill in this frame. They loved it. I am apparently getting old.

We also enjoyed the prerequisite trips to the beach. We love laying out on a blanket and enjoying the sand. Until some ass comes along and parks right in front of us with la-z-boy style “beach chairs” that obliterate our view of the water. We’ve decided to stick with the more secluded beaches from now on!

Then there is “The Party”. We decided to have a pork roast this summer, which coincided with our 20th Wedding Anniversary.

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Yup – did it up right. Got a tent, tables, and waited for the friends and family to arrive! Some even stayed over. We had our own little tent city!

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Needless to say, the highlight was the pig. My parents had pork roasts on our farm and I’ve always remembered how much fun we had, and how good the food was!

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SBS could have done without the head on the pig, but Roman didn’t seem to mind! Some wanted to contribute and brought their own favorite salads…

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So if anyone left hungry, it was their own damn fault! We had a fire pit that night and enjoyed a huge breakfast in the morning for those who stayed overnight. The kids are ready to do it again.

I think I’ll need a year to think about it!

The boys and I headed to the beach with LS’s family and my parents.

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The beach is my father’s favorite place. It’s a genetic thing as I’m pretty much ready to live near water NOW! The weather was perfect and the kids had a blast. ALL the kids…

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**STYLE NOTE** LS has buzzed 85% of her hair off. And yes, she’s rocking it!

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When I had to back to work (shift work – BOOOO) the boys had a little fun in Toronto.

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The Hobbit House made out of Lego – such a wonderful, family-oriented place, Fan Expo…

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…uh…ahem, where exactly is your hand my husband????

Okay, we’ll wrap this up now. Suffice it to say that it’s been a jam-packed summer and with the “fun” associated with back to school – FBS in Grade 11 (sniff sniff) and SBS entering Grade 8 (whaaaaaaa) I’m just starting to catch my breath now!!!

Would love to hear below how you spent your summer!

 

 

 

Remembering Camp

/ Sarah / 1 Comment

It’s a bit of a surreal moment in time for me.

29 years ago, I was packing up to go to my first Summer camp.

Tomorrow, Second Born Son makes his first foray into overnight camping. He is excited and packed. Prepared and eager. I’m so happy for him, because I know what lies ahead for him; fun, friends, laughs and memory making moments. It was at camp that I learned about Mean Girls – not such a great memory, I realize. It was at camp that I picked up my first camera, my father’s Brownie – a much happier memory.

I got my first glimpse of boys trying to impress girls and girls flirting with boys. While it was a church camp, the message was handled in a light and meaningful way. I remember admiring the camp counsellors and thinking how mature and sophisticated they were. Now I realize they were lucky to be 20. How much do we know at 20? Infinitely more than at 12!

I remember the mess hall and how our names would be called out to receive our mail. If you received three letters, you had to sing for your third correspondence. I remember cleaning my first bathroom at came (as if that wasn’t traumatizing enough), and learning that bleach is the ONLY way to get dishes truly clean.

There was the nightly campfire with each group taking turns entertaining the rest of the campers. Learning that you could only order so much candy from the tuck shop. Realizing that while leeches are disgusting, they are far from fatal.

I loved it so much, I went a second year.

SBS’s week will be a little different. He is going on a canoe adventure. He is taking is going with one of his best friends. They will leave the main camp and strike out on the Saugeen River.

He is going to love it. I am going to miss him like crazy!

Gotta go now – got A LOT of letters to write him!

Looking for a Good Friday

/ Sarah / 1 Comment

It’s been quite a week.

Whenever a holiday rolls around, it seems like time moves twice as quickly and my list of things to accomplish is twice as long. In the case of this week, we are down a day as well. I really enjoy Easter for a number of reasons, and look forward to it all winter long.

I wanted to be mindful of the religious meaning of this week; to take things in stride and be flexible when something popped up. But for some reason, it was the “Let’s See How Much Shit Sarah Can Tolerate Week”. Unfortunately, I didn’t get that memo.

Monday to Thursday was filled with tests and challenges. Kids who were seeing how far they could push each other, and me; days at work that went from slow and monotonous to being assigned a mountain of work; barely speaking to my husband, and not because we didn’t want to talk, but because he was just as busy as I was. Trying to sympathize, empathize and take the high road.

A friend of my was caught in a bind regarding the care of her horses, and being faced with no alternatively, I offered to help her out. It was something I found myself looking forward to! Which did help somewhat with the ongoing frustrations of the week.

Each time I looked at these events as challenges I could deal with. The kids were tired, and coming down with colds so I tried to get them to bed sooner. Well, I tried – they argued and resisted and ended up going to be a the regular time. I tried to think of improvements at work that could fill my down time and worked efficiently when the work load suddenly doubled. I gave a lot of thought to how we could accommodate the various schedules over the Easter Weekend so that everyone was happy.

That’s when things really started to hit the skids.

Every now and then, I find I go through a couple of days, or in this case – a week, where I could say “Hey, How are you today?” and the person I’m speaking to would hear “WHAT THE F— IS YOUR PROBLEM?” I’ve been told this is a problem for Virgos, so when I saw it starting to rear its ugly head, I made a point of gearing down and measuring my words. Sympathize, empathize, high road…… Rinse and repeat.

Yeah, that bombed.

So by Thursday afternoon, two people thought I was a Grade A bitch, ironically, the two people I had gone out of my way to accommodate. Massive FAIL. In both cases, the exchanges ended with me removing myself from the conversation so I didn’t say what was really on my mind.

On Thursday afternoon, I’m fighting my way through the throngs of people. People who leave their cart in the middle of an aisle in a grocery store so they can look for FRIED ONIONS THREE FREAKIN’ AISLE OVER! People banging in to you, and your cart, which is overflowing. People who think the day before a long weekend is the BEST time to catch up with their neighbors, five feet inside the store doors.

Throughout my tour at the grocery store, I noticed two women; one about my age and her daughter, who would be the same age as First Born Son. I noticed them look at me in the meat section. Then again in the frozen foods. I could feel someone looking at me a couple more times, and thought I was getting a complex.

Finally I navigate the humanity that is a grocery store at 5 p.m. on Maundy Thursday, and I end up in the line behind these two women. They look at me, look at each other, and then START WHISPERING.

Folks, I nearly lost my mind right there. After trying so hard to not feel negative, to try and look at things from other peoples’ points of view and trying help out friends and family who have need help throughout the week – only to get slammed, I was ready to put my fist through their carton of eggs. Very. Ready. “WHAT THE F— IS YOUR PROBLEM?” was on the tip of my tongue – and I would have meant to say it!

As we crept toward the cashier, and I started unloading my groceries, when the mother spun around, leaned in towards me and said,

“Your hair ROCKS! I LOVE it!!!!” with the biggest smile I had seen all week. The daughter, behind her, was smiling and nodding vigorously.

In a instant I felt horrible for being such a mental bitch to her, combined with a mix of feeling flattered and pleased, because one does not expect to receive compliments, never mind in public. I gave her a big smile and said thank you. She and her daughter continued to converse, but now I could hear some of it, “awesome” came up a couple of times.

Once I got in my vehicle, I thought about how things can spin on a dime. All week I had worked so hard to make everyone else happy, and  not a single person recognized me for it, or in fact, told me I had made things worse. Here, I go about doing my own thing, and a complete stranger comes up to me and gives ME a compliment; something that I myself have made a habit of doing to other people.

And the hair….

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Totally ROCKED!!!!

Happy Easter, Happy Passover!

 

 

 

The Joy of Boys

/ Sarah / 2 Comments

These conversations actually happened in my house.

Honestly, I can’t make this stuff up…..

 

Second Born Son: Having a girlfriend is expensive.

Me: How do you know this?

SBS: Everybody knows this!

Me: (Ok, I’ll indulge him) Hmm. So how is having a girlfriend expensive?

SBS: You have to buy the gifts for their birthday, for Christmas, Valentine’s Day. So I’ve figured it out.

Me: Oh, have you?

SBS: Yup. I’m going to break up with them. Right before their birthday or Christmas or Valentine’s day. 

Me: Oh, you think that’s going to work?

SBS: Yup. Then I won’t have to buy them any presents.

Me: Well, I think that’s only going to work for you once or twice, then the word is going to get out.

SBS: What word?

Me: That you are a lousy boyfriend!

 

Followed by this gem…

 

First Born Son: I think I’ve figured out the Valentine’s Day thing.

Me: What’s that?

FBS: It’s not what you do on the 14th that counts…

Me: Ok… (I’ve got some hope here!)

FBS: Ya, it’s what you do on the 15th! And besides, everything is on sale then!

 

I can see I have my work cut out for me!

What do you want to be when you grow up?

/ Sarah / 2 Comments

So what do you want to be when you grow up?

Harmless enough question. Except when you are the one who has the answer it. We recently sat down with First Born Son and his high school guidance counsellor to discuss his second semester course selection, which was somewhat jumbled. It ended up being a discussion about where he wants to go to college, and ultimately, his career.

Since FBS’s Plan A is not to be, we are looking at ways to get him where he wants to be; on a farm, even if we can’t start him off on one. He needs to make enough money in his primary profession, so that he can eventually buy his own piece of land.

As FBS is half way through Grade 10, we thought it might be a little premature to start the college convo, but according to the counsellor, it’s never too early.

What a change.

When I was in school, you filled out a form half way through Grade 11. It listed your likes and dislikes. The Big Guy did this as well and was advised he would make a wonderful undertaker. My results were inconclusive, and when I went to my guidance counsellor for clarification, and get his opinion on my thoughts for a college education, he suggested that I enrol in university. His only qualifier for this was a random comment about my appearance. I left his office confused and slightly disturbed.

As far as career planning, it was left to my interests at the time and my lack of faith that I would actually be accepted to any college. There was never a conversation about employment options, or earning potential. I applied for Journalism at College 1, Graphic Design at College 2 and Flight Attendant at College 3. I figured wherever I was accepted to, that would be where I attended. So much for a plan. Months later, I hear back from the applications. I’ve been accepted at all three; color me amazed!

But now, it is best to have a plan from Grade 9. The level of study you enter will determine if you will attend university, college or trade school, or enter the work force directly from high school. Each year you narrow your options, putting a finer  point on your field of study. FBS had a fairly sharp point on his future, but learned the hard way that he’s going to have to keep on taking Math, English and Science for the next two years!

I wasn’t sure who was more excited during our meeting, FBS or The Big Guy. The counsellor kept coming up with awesome college courses, more awesome college campuses and EPIC career options. Studying outside, high employment ratios, not tied to a desk!!! I gotta say, it was sounding so good that I was ready to sign up, except the commute is brutal. Apparently the “best” programs were the ones farthest away from home.

Of course they are….

At least I have two more years to get used to that idea, and find ways to keep The Big Guy from stowing away in the luggage!

 

 

 

Passing on Perfection

/ Sarah / 1 Comment

There was a conversation about my sons earlier this week. The person I spoke with made a profound comment.

“Your sons are just perfect.”

My heart sank.

Crazy, right? Mothers around the world would love to have their offspring branded as “perfect” and yet all I can think is “NOOOOO!” I thanked her and dismissed the comment at the same time. After all, there is no way IN. HELL. that my kids are perfect. Their mother certainly isn’t.

I’ve had issues with that word, that concept, for a while now. I don’t believe in “perfect”. Perfect is limiting, unattainable, and damaging. Lifetimes have been wasted in the quest for perfection. It’s a conversation I’ve had with The Big Guy throughout our relationship. He’s a big believer in “perfect”. As you can imagine, it makes for interesting chit chat.

The perfect couple, right? WRONG!

The perfect couple, right? WRONG!

He is driven by details, and is brutally hard on himself. He pours over the fine points. I am deadline driven. I can accomplish a huge amount in a very short period of time. Together we are a great combination, even if we don’t come from he same point of view. Perfection is something he values, and I’m still wondering why he ever wanted to be with me since I know that I don’t rank very high on the Perfect Scale. Nor would I care to.

You learn so much more from a mistake. I don’t want perfect children. They would be very uninteresting. They are better prepared for life with the flaws that they have and learning how to overcome or embrace them.

Perfection is a relative term. My idea of a perfect evening could be pjs, a bowl of popcorn, a great movie and a blanket to cuddle under. Yours might be an evening at a restaurant with friends. Which is actually perfect? Is my vision wrong because it doesn’t match yours? My definition the following night could very well change. Was my first night not “perfect” because I picked a new “perfect” the next time?

THAT'S more like it!

THAT’S more like it!

Once perfection is achieved, which in and of itself is almost impossible for the majority of us, the next mammoth task is to maintain perfection. Any less is failure, which perfectionists know full well, is the antithesis of perfection.

Now please don’t misunderstand, I believe in putting your best effort forth. I think its important to have a personal best. I have looked a photographs I have captured, which at the time were my best, and now I can do better. It’s about growth and the continued development of me. Tomorrow I will do better than I did today, just as I am better today than I was yesterday.

Perfection is uninteresting, predictable. Perfection is the starting place of downfall and disappointment.

Give me flawed, real, genuine. It speaks to me and is a far better motivator.

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

/ Sarah / 2 Comments

It seems to be a right of passage – to bemoan the future of society when one looks at the generation that follows.

Kids these days. No respect for authority. No standards, and on and on.

But I found it rather ironic that based on the behavior of adults lately, how can hold child to a higher standard?

For starters, teachers in Ontario are protesting Bill 115. It is a detailed Bill handed down from the Provincial Government. One of the points of this Bill is that it suspends the Right to Strike, something that has been exercised thoroughly in the past. The Province has stepped over regional school boards and handed down a contract that, amongst other things, freezes teachers wages and reduces the number of sick days they are entitled to. A number of other Public Sector employees have been put the same position, not to mention the Separate School Board Teachers, who signed their agreements, in spite of not being pleased with the situation they were in.

However, the public school teachers’ union decided to protest the legislation, and starting in November (prior to the government handing down the Bill), started one day walk-outs in protest. Parents were given two days notice to find alternate childcare as schools were closed. Just about every school district had participated in rotating strikes. Once the Bill was passed before the end of the year, one day rotating strikes would be in contravention of the Bill. Both elementary and secondary school teachers planned another day each, of walk outs.

Now, the position the union is taking is that their members cannot in good conscience teach children about democracy when their own Rights are being stomped upon.

Hmmm.

How about a child’s Right to an Education?

How about not using children as hostages?

How about not punishing parents for something they have no direct control over?

Now, I’m not a fan of government legislating away Rights. But you know what I’m LESS of a fan of?? Teachers, who are in positions of authority and already complaining about lack of respect and support from students and parents, talking about taking action which was deemed ILLEGAL by the government. The Premier was elected by the people of Ontario, therefore, he acts on behalf of the taxpayers. If you don’t agree with the government, you get to vote them out at the next election.

In the meantime, you have children seeing teachers talking about breaking the law. Yup. Like it doesn’t apply to them. Fortunately, the government stood behind their legislation and indicated that any walk out would be deemed illegal (uh….YA?!?) and the Union backed down.

This week, teachers took the streets in front of their local MPPs’ offices, as well as Queens’ Park to protest Bill 115. Hmmm, taking your message directly to the politicians you are trying to communicate with. What an educated concept! You enact the democratic process as you exercise your Right to peaceful protest, while NOT breaking the law, and maintain your standing with parents and students (not alienate them). BRILLIANT!

Then there is the shining example that is Lance Armstrong.

From the first time that our sons told their first fib, we have been very clear on our position; no matter what it is that you have done, it will be twice as bad if you lie about it.

Didn’t complete a project? Bad.

Didn’t complete a project and then lie to Mom and Dad about it? BAD BAD.

We watched the build up to the Oprah Winfrey interview (first portion to air tonight) and viewed a montage of Armstrong denying, denying, denying, denying, denying that he took performance enhancing drugs. Not him. No way. NEVER! Now that he has lost his corporate sponsorship, endorsements, titles and respect, he has decided to fess up. Oprah has been guarded enough to say that he does not confess in the way that she expected, so I’m going to go out on a limb and speculate that he will say that the entire sport is doping, so therefore it is an even field.

If we all cheat, does anyone do anything wrong?

I looked at my sons and said, “Do you see? Even adults have a hard time with this concept of why it’s bad to lie; and it’s made it worse for him, like it’s worse for you.”

While a small fortune has been raised in his name for research, the base of his foundation is built on a lie. Cancer survivor turn seven-time Tour de France champion turn celebrity. Dare I say, hero?

No. Liar.

How can we have a higher expectation of children, when society presents such questionable role models?

Parenting just got harder.

 

 

TechNOlogy

/ Sarah / Leave a comment

The discussion of technology has been a controversial one when it involves my parents. They don’t own a computer and my mother’s cell phone is dated, but functioning. They feel they have all the technology they need and are rather leery of the concept in general.

Don’t even bring up facebook.

Unfortunately, they have only heard of the negative aspects of computers/social media/internet. They know everything they want to know about teens posting X rated photos of themselves, cyber bullying and people over-sharing on Twitter and facebook, companies failing to protect our identities and viruses that cause access to banking information.

They know about this blog, and I’ve read specific entries to them, but they don’t read it on any kind of regular basis. Perhaps that’s why I’ve lived this long!! Little Sister and I have tried to talk them into getting a computer and are swiftly shot down.

I’ve tried to tell them about the positive aspects of computing; the ability to reach around the world from your couch, talking to family in different time zones with simple key strokes, shopping without pulling out of the garage (ok that’s something I appreciate more than they do!), about connecting with their grandkids, about finding friends.

So at Christmas, Little Sister and I risked our lives and our sanity by buying our parents a tablet.

Technically NOT a computer.

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You know something memorable was  being said here, dontcha?

So while they have a tablet, and as of last night, an email address, they refuse to entertain the idea of facebook.

Second Born Son got his facebook account this week. We made an agreement that when he reached a certain age and with a certain level of maturity. Some people think it’s not a good idea for a person his age to have a facebook account, but The Big Guy and I have a different perspective on this.

We live in a technological age. Toddlers have toys that interact and compute. If we can give him guidance and structure on how to use this technology, then we are doing our job as parents. When the day comes that he needs to learn how to drive, we will take him out and give him the tools and experience he needs. Why would we do any less when it comes to the internet?

I don’t believe that the internet, or facebook, is the root of all evil. I think people who over share their thoughts online are the same people you stand behind in the line at the grocery store who talk too loud and describe in great detail their most recent medical procedure. These people are just as irritating whether there is a computer in their hands or not.

For us, the key is supervision and transparency. I have the password and we have set time frames for when he can be online. It won’t be perfect; as with his brother, there will be glitches and growing pains. But I’d rather be beside him and help him navigate the internet, than leave him to figure it out for himself.

He can learn alongside his grandparents!

Reality Check

/ Sarah / Leave a comment

A pause here.

Instead of the funny, sarcastic and opinionated musings you are accustomed to, I need to not play lightly on the news that 20 children and six of their care givers and teachers were murdered this week.

Two weeks before Christmas. Not that there is any time on the calendar that is accommodating to such horror.

A few short points.

1. Until Mental Health gets the attention it needs in society and specifically in the political arena, there will be more acts of frustration, desperation and retaliation. Rightly, or wrongly.

2. The media needs to smarten the HELL UP. I cannot imagine the thought process it takes for a “journalist” to ask a coroner, “What were the children wearing?” Jesus. Really?

3. Legislation steeped in history, created in a time that required citizens to bear arms to defend themselves against predators on four legs, and occasionally two, needs to be revisited and examined to reflect today’s needs. YOUR RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS IS USURPED BY MY RIGHT TO LIVE.

4. Less about the shooter. More about the victims. This is not the fast track to fame!!

While Canada is not innocent of murders involving guns – we cannot compare to the track record set by the U.S.

I look forward to what President Obama has in mind when he says change is coming regarding gun laws. If it is as well handled as his message to the families and the community of Newtown this evening, then Americans can start looking forward to more peaceful times.

Peace on Earth. Good Will to All Humankind.

(We’ll get back to the funny in a couple of days.)

Not Quite a Midlife Crisis, AKA Getting My Act Together

/ Sarah / Leave a comment

The last day of September. The month has flown by. And with it, another birthday.

Over the course of the past 30 days, I have come to a realization; at 41, I am half way to 82.

82. Eighty-two. If I’m lucky.

The last time I felt this way, I was 15 and freaking out because I was half way to 30 and that was so OLD! Foolish, foolish girl. Perhaps it was the anniversary of my arrival, or the lack of sleep, but I had a stern talking to Myself. It would seem the two have come to an understanding.

1. ME, MYSELF AND I – I have moved myself up my own list of priorities. This is huge for me. I have taken my role as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, as being my priorities and then felt frustrated when others haven’t acknowledged the effort I put out. It’s not their fault. It’s mine. No one can change it but me. So I have. I just need to work on the guilt!

2. SALLY FREAKIN’ SUNSHINE –  I am pulling away from negativity. I have always been a positive person, and I think that positivity has drawn people who are less than sunny. Their frustrations and sour demeanor has been a drain on me and I’m simply going to focus on people who are willing to find solutions, not dwell on the problems.

3. LET’S GET PHYSICAL – Taking care of myself kinda fits in with #1, but this is a more literal, physical interpretation. Get my arse moving. I missed an entire summer of playing ball, and I hated not being more active. I asked for a treadmill for my birthday, and The Big Guy was obliging. I’m hoping that having this conveniently located in the Rec Room, near the DVD collection, will keep me walking through the winter.

4. GETTING ON THE FUN BUS – I’m taking advantage of any opportunity for something fun. While 82 would be awesome, suffice it to say that none of us are guaranteed tomorrow and I don’t want to look back on a life of work. How much fun have you had lately?

5. THINKING OUTSIDE OF THE BOX – I’m keeping my mind open to things. Just in this past month, I’ve given myself the latitude to explore ideas and ideologies that I hadn’t really considered before. I don’t think it’s too late for me to learn and investigate concepts outside of what I’ve accepted as the “norm.” I’m really excited by this and can’t wait to stretch my brain!

6. NO MEANS NO – I’m learning to say NO. Because NO is such a foreign word to me, I’ve evaluated the things I devote time and effort to and asked if I’m enjoying doing them. If it’s not a resounding YES, it’s a NO. NO gets the boot every time.

So while I haven’t had much to report here in this past month, I’ve certainly done my homework. When you look back at your life, however long or short it will be, will you be satisfied with it?

I’m doing what I can to make sure I am, and I’ll be rocking with the 82 year olds.